Comments on: When He Pleads the Fifth on Exclusivity http://manslations.com/2009/01/21/when-he-pleads-the-fifth-on-exclusivity/ Ask for Jeff Mac's advice on what men think -- about relationships, dating, sex, love, squirrels, whatever. Tue, 07 Sep 2010 00:30:34 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0.1 By: Char (PSI Tutor) http://manslations.com/2009/01/21/when-he-pleads-the-fifth-on-exclusivity/comment-page-1/#comment-6189 Char (PSI Tutor) Wed, 04 Mar 2009 00:56:11 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1403#comment-6189 If he can't be honest about a question on multi-dating then what is the point of dating him? I would feel he didn't trust me, and wonder why he was hanging out with me...? If he can’t be honest about a question on multi-dating then what is the point of dating him?

I would feel he didn’t trust me, and wonder why he was hanging out with me…?

]]> By: Melissa http://manslations.com/2009/01/21/when-he-pleads-the-fifth-on-exclusivity/comment-page-1/#comment-5936 Melissa Thu, 22 Jan 2009 20:52:58 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1403#comment-5936 I agree with you Jeff, I feel that he is seeing other women, and am uncomfortable with him not answering her question. At this point, I would be less worried about "pushing him away" then his apparent lack of concern for her feelings...he's willing to leave her up in the air. *He* should be worried about HER being "pushed away" by his flakiness. I also take issue with the collective belief that it's the woman's responsibility to define the relationship, and ask where things stand. I never did while I was dating. When a man is truly crazy about his woman, he makes it VERY clear how he feels and where things stand, especially with his actions cos he doesn't want to chance another male trespassing into "his" territory! I've always found it much better when the man leads the relationship (Not like a boss, rather, as in like the man leads the dance.), he knows exactly what he wants, and that it's his responsibility to behave in ways that are congruent with his desire...in order to keep her interest focused on him. This is waaaaay more effective than attempting to lead a man by the nose. I'm not saying that Sammy is doing this, btw...I just see it all the time, and that them runs rampant in the media....seriously, you always see books on "how to make him commit" or, "how to GET him to marry you!" Yiiiiiiiikes! Women in general need to raise their standards...we train people how to treat us, actually. In your mind, decide to be around people who make you feel good *only*. Bob Grant wrote a wonderful book for woman on how to elicit feelings that increase his desire to be closer to you. There is NO manipulation or games involved. He reminds women of their most powerful asset that they've been taught to ignore. He also states that, "men respond to distance, more than words." So yes, Sammy, I think in light of all this lack of consideration for your feelings, and right to know where things stand (since you asked) I would be extremely receptive to other men if I were you. All my best, Melissa I agree with you Jeff, I feel that he is seeing other women, and am uncomfortable with him not answering her question.

At this point, I would be less worried about “pushing him away” then his apparent lack of concern for her feelings…he’s willing to leave her up in the air. *He* should be worried about HER being “pushed away” by his flakiness.

I also take issue with the collective belief that it’s the woman’s responsibility to define the relationship, and ask where things stand. I never did while I was dating.

When a man is truly crazy about his woman, he makes it VERY clear how he feels and where things stand, especially with his actions cos he doesn’t want to chance another male trespassing into “his” territory!

I’ve always found it much better when the man leads the relationship (Not like a boss, rather, as in like the man leads the dance.), he knows exactly what he wants, and that it’s his responsibility to behave in ways that are congruent with his desire…in order to keep her interest focused on him.

This is waaaaay more effective than attempting to lead a man by the nose. I’m not saying that Sammy is doing this, btw…I just see it all the time, and that them runs rampant in the media….seriously, you always see books on “how to make him commit” or, “how to GET him to marry you!” Yiiiiiiiikes!

Women in general need to raise their standards…we train people how to treat us, actually. In your mind, decide to be around people who make you feel good *only*.

Bob Grant wrote a wonderful book for woman on how to elicit feelings that increase his desire to be closer to you. There is NO manipulation or games involved. He reminds women of their most powerful asset that they’ve been taught to ignore. He also states that, “men respond to distance, more than words.”

So yes, Sammy, I think in light of all this lack of consideration for your feelings, and right to know where things stand (since you asked) I would be extremely receptive to other men if I were you.

All my best,
Melissa

]]> By: Bloomsbury Bell http://manslations.com/2009/01/21/when-he-pleads-the-fifth-on-exclusivity/comment-page-1/#comment-5931 Bloomsbury Bell Thu, 22 Jan 2009 08:08:35 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1403#comment-5931 I agree that it sounds like he's seeing other people, and I also don't think Sammy is pushing her guy away by asking the question. But I don't think his not wanting to discuss exclusivity necessarily or absolutely means that he is seeing other girls. For a lot of people, men and women, dating means non-exclusive and 'if it were exclusive we'd call it engaged'. Sometimes that doesn't even mean that there actually are dates with other people, just sort of reserving the right. I agree that it sounds like he’s seeing other people, and I also don’t think Sammy is pushing her guy away by asking the question. But I don’t think his not wanting to discuss exclusivity necessarily or absolutely means that he is seeing other girls. For a lot of people, men and women, dating means non-exclusive and ‘if it were exclusive we’d call it engaged’. Sometimes that doesn’t even mean that there actually are dates with other people, just sort of reserving the right.

]]> By: Dating Goddess http://manslations.com/2009/01/21/when-he-pleads-the-fifth-on-exclusivity/comment-page-1/#comment-5930 Dating Goddess Thu, 22 Jan 2009 07:51:37 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1403#comment-5930 Yep, seems he's still playing the field. If he's uncomfortable discussing this, then he's not mature enough to think of as long-term potential. If he is still seeing others, he needs the cajungas to say, "I am having a coffee with a lady now and then." Or whatever. If they haven't openly discussed exclusivity, then he's not really stepping out on her. We tend to assume exclusivity when that may not be the case at all for the other person. In my book, there's no agreement to exclusivity until it's been discussed and both agree to it. (And ideally, the man brings it up. My last beau told me we were exclusive, then I discovered he slept with his last gf while we were presumedly in this exclusive relationship. When confronted, he claimed he had no memory of the exclusive conversation. Uh huh. If he'd brought up the topic, I doubt he would have "forgot.") I liked how you suggested she bring this up. Clear, direct, talking about her, not him. Bravo! Yep, seems he’s still playing the field. If he’s uncomfortable discussing this, then he’s not mature enough to think of as long-term potential. If he is still seeing others, he needs the cajungas to say, “I am having a coffee with a lady now and then.” Or whatever. If they haven’t openly discussed exclusivity, then he’s not really stepping out on her. We tend to assume exclusivity when that may not be the case at all for the other person. In my book, there’s no agreement to exclusivity until it’s been discussed and both agree to it. (And ideally, the man brings it up. My last beau told me we were exclusive, then I discovered he slept with his last gf while we were presumedly in this exclusive relationship. When confronted, he claimed he had no memory of the exclusive conversation. Uh huh. If he’d brought up the topic, I doubt he would have “forgot.”)

I liked how you suggested she bring this up. Clear, direct, talking about her, not him. Bravo!

]]> By: Sara http://manslations.com/2009/01/21/when-he-pleads-the-fifth-on-exclusivity/comment-page-1/#comment-5929 Sara Thu, 22 Jan 2009 05:45:54 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1403#comment-5929 Perfect advice. I would just add that if he still refuses to answer and tells you that it's none of your business, you might want to walk away. He either has trust issues or isn't willing to openly communicate with you, and that's a disaster waiting to happen. Perfect advice. I would just add that if he still refuses to answer and tells you that it’s none of your business, you might want to walk away. He either has trust issues or isn’t willing to openly communicate with you, and that’s a disaster waiting to happen.

]]> By: Jeff Mac http://manslations.com/2009/01/21/when-he-pleads-the-fifth-on-exclusivity/comment-page-1/#comment-5928 Jeff Mac Wed, 21 Jan 2009 22:01:14 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1403#comment-5928 Angie: Even more than zero dollars?! thrusdaynext: This is a definite possible ending for this conversation, yep. T: Plus, the book's pretty thick, so if it's close at hand you can always just hit him with it. (Actually, between that and a loaded question, I bet a lot of guys would opt for getting booksmacked.) Angie: Even more than zero dollars?!

thrusdaynext: This is a definite possible ending for this conversation, yep.

T: Plus, the book’s pretty thick, so if it’s close at hand you can always just hit him with it. (Actually, between that and a loaded question, I bet a lot of guys would opt for getting booksmacked.)

]]> By: T http://manslations.com/2009/01/21/when-he-pleads-the-fifth-on-exclusivity/comment-page-1/#comment-5927 T Wed, 21 Jan 2009 20:21:48 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1403#comment-5927 Well said Jeff! I love this advice! If only we could remember it in the moment... OH I know! We can buy your book and keep it on the coffee table as a little reminder!! Yes, that's the ticket!! ;) Well said Jeff! I love this advice! If only we could remember it in the moment… OH I know! We can buy your book and keep it on the coffee table as a little reminder!! Yes, that’s the ticket!!

;)

]]> By: thrusdaynext http://manslations.com/2009/01/21/when-he-pleads-the-fifth-on-exclusivity/comment-page-1/#comment-5926 thrusdaynext Wed, 21 Jan 2009 18:49:41 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1403#comment-5926 ditch him. ditch him.

]]> By: Angie http://manslations.com/2009/01/21/when-he-pleads-the-fifth-on-exclusivity/comment-page-1/#comment-5924 Angie Wed, 21 Jan 2009 18:21:22 +0000 http://manslations.com/?p=1403#comment-5924 Your advice is dead on, as usual. As I'm reading Sammy's questions, I'm thinking "what the heck?" Why is SHE supposed to "drop" the question because it makes HIM uncomfortable? And then I got to where you (Manslator) give your sage advice about stating it as a much clearer statement. BTW, finally bought the book, and it was worth every penny! You should charge MORE for your advice (but not to me, 'cause I'm not paying more now!). Seriously, it's worth much more! Your advice is dead on, as usual. As I’m reading Sammy’s questions, I’m thinking “what the heck?” Why is SHE supposed to “drop” the question because it makes HIM uncomfortable? And then I got to where you (Manslator) give your sage advice about stating it as a much clearer statement. BTW, finally bought the book, and it was worth every penny! You should charge MORE for your advice (but not to me, ’cause I’m not paying more now!). Seriously, it’s worth much more!

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