Comments on: Is Her Valentine’s Day Plan Cute or Creepy-Stalkery?

By: Andy

Andy — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 02:39:41 +0000

Anything that means you’ve put a lot of time into it (origami flowers) will totally freak him out (he wouldn’t spend that much time on anyone unless he thinks she’ll say yes to marriage).
Just be upfront – buy him a drink on V day and tell him you like him, ask him if he likes you (without crying or puppy dog eyes) be ready for a yes or a no. Just be straightforward – men, generally, hate the games we feel women make us play: especially in courting. True – he’ll enjoy the chase but after 8 months if you’re not feeling pursued, maybe it’s time to look elsewhere. Do check in with him though – he might THINK he’s pursuing you even if you dont.

By: Eric the BeehiveHairdresser

Eric the BeehiveHairdresser — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 21:06:29 +0000

I like Jeff’s idea of not making it a secret admirer, and I don’t think that any gift from a gal who I often flirt with would be stalkerish – unless it was a box full of my old cut nails or something.

Also, eight months!!! I hope that all this time the crush hasn’t caused you to cancel out the opportunities for welcoming and getting to know other men.

We only live once and eight months is a loooooong time.

Best of luck with your gift giving.

By: Melissa

Melissa — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 16:32:51 +0000

I also agree with Seductress…less is definitely waaaaay more.

Do NOT send flowers or a cute card.

Flirt with him in a more DIRECT way, to indicate you are giving him the green light to ask for your number, or ask you out. Men still like the feeling of accomplishment when they pursue you and you are receptive. If he doesn’t get the hint, remember he just might have a girl-friend. (I assume you checked to see if he had a wedding band long ago

Again, like a dance…he leads, you follow.

All my best,
Melissa

By: mmagnolia

mmagnolia — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 04:58:53 +0000

All Hearts!
Yep…JMdear’s “Leap before you look” is exquisite advice altho’ canB excruciating2!

Aha! The Girlz Cave today is of 10% self-proclaiming *guys*.
Yipes, GlenDear: This ex”dumb schoolgirl” rates Your text as truetrue+tough!

Origami = cool; maybe t’is MissingLink;
99 Bouquets on the wall…or Bartenders!

By: Ann Wesley Hardin

Ann Wesley Hardin — Thu, 29 Jan 2009 01:27:39 +0000

This is so weird. I’ve had an eerily similar thing going on with a bartender too. The guy slipped me his number one day, I texted him back so he’d have my number, and…he did nothing. No follow through. Nada. Zip.

But I still go in there, we’re still friends, although there’s no more flirting. I don’t know what’s going on in his head and the truth is, I don’t really care. All I know is if he was interested, he’d want that face time out of the bar. End of.

Hope it works out for you though!

By: K-Rod

K-Rod — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 20:30:19 +0000

I totally agree with Seductress. Do that, save your $, and you’ll know. I’m kind of surprised Jeff agreed with the flowers at all (as you mentioned, his book is very clear on the stuff that “does” things vs. kinds of things we gals like). That book is my Bible now.

By: Glen

Glen — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 19:06:47 +0000

Why is it that girls continue to give us guys things that they would want, not us? You don’t see guys giving girls a box of beers or some motor oil!

8 months of crushing on this guy is just stupid – he’s a bartender so flirts with every woman, because it helps get them back next weekend, and sells more drinks. It’s worked on you hasn’t it (8 months at least).

Valentine’s Day is the worst day to do anything about it – it’s so predictable. Stop being a dumb schoolgirl about it, and just suggest you 2 hook-up somewhere that’s not the bar sometime. If he goes for it then he’s interested in you – if he says anything else (“I’m too busy”, maybe some other time” etc etc) then he’s not into you.

Origami flowers would be gay (in the ‘it’s a stupid idead’ way, not the ‘I like the same sex’ way).

By: murray

murray — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 18:48:31 +0000

I agree with Seductress. Don’t send him anything at all. Valentine’s day is a while away yet, and it’d be better, I think, to use the time to flirt a bit and get some real sense of what he’s like and whether he likes you in a face to face way, than be preoccupied with a secret communiocation that is weeks away. I’m a guy, and I’d infinitely prefer that scenario to any puzzling card or gift.

By: Charlotte

Charlotte — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 18:14:15 +0000

Thanks so much for all of the wonderful advice!
Since posing this question to Jeff I purchased his book – BRILLIANT! BRILLIANT! BRILLIANT! by the way.
Anyway, flowers don’t do cool stuff.
Ergo, not a good man gift.
See! I’m learning, Jeff!
I agree that the secret admirer thing is most likely creepy/stalky.
I also think though that putting myself out there like that is absurd.
I have what I think is a good idea…
Why don’t I just do in on Valentine’s Day and wish him a happy holiday?
You know, and like flirt a lot.
Jeff, I’m thrilled that you chose to answer my question.
I hope you don’t think me ungrateful for not following through on sending the flowers.

By: Liz C

Liz C — Wed, 28 Jan 2009 16:55:54 +0000

Ah, Jeff, where were you when I was embarrassing myself in my 20s?

Oh yeah. You were in grade school.

As someone who made that mistake, I think your advice was absolutely correct. And now I have to go crawl under my desk, reliving the shame of that event 25 years ago….