The trick here is to expect NOTHING and expect them RUN… Also the trick is to never allow non-dates (watching dvds, cooking dinner at home). Get em out and about…. If they try to set up a non date – say you can’t, but suggest and actual date. If they cant then blow them off (not figuratively speaking).

I recently met a guy who was always busy, wanting to pash all the time when we were out (not talk), available for a couple of hours at time. He took me out for five dates, then i let him come to my place, we had sex and I never heard from him again. Didn’t bother me though because i just “knew” he was going to do that. If anything it gave me more confidence in my inner intuitive goddess. And he was hot and we had fun, so I didn’t mind I enjoy sex too!! But I was smart enough not to get emotionally attached to him.

Go with you gut, but don’t hold out too long. Waiting almost makes it all artificial and weird and when you finally do it – it will probably suck because u built it up too much!!!! Go with the FLOW!! Just don’t be foolish and think that sex means anything to a man other than right there and then! !!

When a guy is just out for one thing, their behavior reflects this and it very uncomfotable with the lady in question if she desires more from him. Inequity in feelings becomes obvious very quickly. Listen to your gut.

Also, when a man really values a woman, and is looking into the possibility of a long term relationship with her, he is content to take his time getting physical. It makes it all that much sweeter.

Good luck to you, and keep a cool eye…do not allow yourself to be pressured into fearing that you may “lose him” if you don’t give in. Let the shoe be on the other foot…he should be the one to fear turning YOU off if he get’s too pushy. And men are very well acquainted with this line of thinking with women.

All my best,
Melissa

I have found that some guys want to believe they don’t just want sex, that they are “more substantial” than that, but as things pan out (me saying “no rush” at the first meeting that’s actually what they wanted.

To each their own, I’m going in a different direction. Not looking for forever, just to experience life with persons who are interested in me as a person. Who knows~ maybe I will get married/have another long-term relationship one day, if not no drama.

Ironically, the blokes that “just want sex” are almost always the people who are so angry if they feel that “someone is trying to take advantage of me”.

Double standards maintained.

This isn’t 100% foolproof, either, but I’ve noticed that guys (and girls) who are really into someone, aren’t in that much of a hurry to get into bed. They don’t want to “ruin things.” It’s when you don’t really care what happens that you go for it.

Does that mean I’ve never seen a marriage come out of first-date sex? No. I’ve seen one (but just one).

I agree on the wait it out and see. I think this line of yours says it all – If you don’t know what he’s going to do after sex, maybe sex isn’t what you should be doing with him yet. One addition to it would be: if you care about what would happen afterward. The thing is that ladies have the more emotional side going on in the early stages of relationships, and we tend to CARE about what he’s going to do after sex. If we didn’t care, then the question would be moot. Even if whether we do it or not doesn’t play into whether he is going to stay around or not (i.e. either he likes us or he doesn’t), it does matter if we are going to WANT him to and he doesn’t – because that is all about our emotions. That’s the key.

By the way, there is a hilarious video on “What Would Penis Do?” on YouTube that basically says it all. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xXmPFJqTHKo&feature=channel

Does he seem to genuinely enjoy your company? Spending hours talking with you about anything and everything? Delighted when he finds things you have in common? Or when talking with him, now matter how innocuous the subject, he makes sexual references/comments/inuendo every 15 minutes or less? Clue: single focused male here.

Is he is very physical from the get go? Sitting so close your thighs touch (or will)? Stroking your back? Playing with your fingers? This is a guy who’s hoping to get sex from you SOON.

Does he take you places where you will meet his friends? Someone who’s crazy about you will want to do this, they want to integrate you into the rest of their life, maybe show you off a little. The guy who just wants to get laid isn’t going to care about that. In fact, he may not want to be seen with you in some venues because it could cramp his style if there were other women around he wanted to “do” (or was already “doing”).

Related, do your dates involve actually going places at all? Or do they seem to almost exclusively involve his couch or yours?

How does he make time for you? A guy who’s really interested will want to spend as much time with you as you will allow him. Sometimes even blowing off other things to be with you. The stricktly sex guy is more apt to give you the impression he has so much going on in his life he’s just lucky he can spare an hour or so for you here and there. Hint: he doesn’t want to committ more time to you than it takes to get sex.

Overall, though you can never predict in advance how a relationship will turn out, the more comfortable you feel KNOWING somebody before sex the happier you are likely to feel about it the next day. I don’t have an answer for long/how much time you need to spend with someone to reach that level of comfort. Mileage may vary.

Bottom line is to not ever be too into someone too early.

How to do this? Practice…practice…practice…*sigh*