manslations

I know I always tell you to pay attention to what a man DOES if there’s any conflict with what he SAYS. Well, what happens if what he did…was kinda-sorta something he said? How do you manslate that one, I ask you? Well…actually, that’s what you ask ME. Or at least it’s what a reader, enigmatically calling herself “huh?!!” did. I think I can help.

First… I LOVE MANSLATIONS! I read it every morning and laugh my little head off everytime.  God, you are soooo talented! I love it! (in a non-stalking kind of way…)

Yes, no stalking, please. For your sake. Believe me, you just can’t imagine how bored you’d be watching how I spend my time.

My question is brief (I think).  You always say that when in doubt about what a man say or does, always, always go with what he does… right? Now, a very touching greeting card-about love, dreams come true- along with a gift card ($$), will that fall under what he does or says? You see, this guy has me extremely confused, I assumed we’re in a booty call kinda of thing, but then he completely throws me off by giving me this card.  Oh, wise one, please guide me through this treacherous path of the male species you seem to know so much about.

Sincerely,
huh?!!

Dear huh?!!,

Well, I can see why you’d be confused here. But I think we can figure this thing out. First, let’s take this “gift card ($$)” of which you speak.

IT DON’T GROW ON TREES…OR DOES IT?

Let’s just say this about a gift card…it doesn’t take much to get one. You go to a store, or you even go online, and you buy it. Takes about ten seconds. Now, I’m not saying that gift certificates aren’t an awesome gift that I almost always love to receive. But they’re definitely not a sweep-you-off-your-feet-holy-crap-that-was-so-romantical-I’m-gonna-poop kind of gift. And if I got one as a gift for my wife, I’d be at least a little embarrassed.

So as an action…think of it in terms of effort. I mean…he basically gave you money. Sure, not money that’s as useful as actual money (you can only spend it where he told you to) but it’s still cash. If the scale goes from  “a fuzz he found in his pocket that day” to “a marble statue he sculpted with his bare hands” this falls somewhere in the middle. But it’s closer to the fuzz.

Again, not a bad or ungenerous gift, not at all. Just not much in the effort department.

IF GIFTCARDS ARE CHEAP…GREETING CARDS ARE CHEAPER

I don’t know if you know this, but you can buy a card pretty much anywhere. Now, if he WROTE that stuff about love/dreams come true/etc., that is certainly a step in the right direction. But if the card he bought just said that stuff, eh, whatev. And either way, it still falls very much under the heading of words. It’s not a BAD sign, certainly, but not nearly enough to go on.

SO HE’S FULL OF IT, THEN?

Not necessarily. In fact, if I had to boil it down to one sentence, that sentence would be as follows:

“This gift doesn’t tell you anything more about the relationship than you knew before.”

See how boiled down that is? Great boiling, Mac. Ahem…excuse me.

Again, I’m not saying that this stuff is a bad sign. Or a good one. It’s just not much of a sign at all. I don’t know any other details, but if you were pretty sure you were a booty call, and he’s treated you in a way that lets you know that you’re a booty call, and since he got you this gift he’s still treating you like a booty call, I’d say you’re still a booty call.

Put another way, if it walks like something that rhymes with duck, and quacks like something that rhymes with duck, you should probably prepare yourself to do something that rhymes with duck, and not much more.

Good luck, and don’t get all caught up in this non-signal. How’s he treating you since the gift? Same as before? Meeting up for sex late at night, and not admitting to the relationship in public? Or is there more going on?

What’s your take on this gift, miladies? Any clues there?