Comments on: Why Does He Have Her In Relationship Quarantine?

By: Ali

Ali — Wed, 11 Mar 2009 20:54:53 +0000

Valencia,
I’ve been putting all my frustration with this guy in writing. I’m not going to send it to him of course, although it’s coming out really good (wish you could read it…) everytime I think of something that he did or didn’t do, said or didn’t say, you know, I’ll write down. I’ve read it aloud, to my friends and it has helped tremendously. I have to talked myself out of texting, calling, e-mail for today at least. One baby step at a time and lots and lots and lots of ice cream and retail therapy. It’s working so far!

By: Valencia

Valencia — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 22:50:53 +0000

Ok,
Crap…MyBest made me stop and think for a minute. I think she’s right…I may be addicted to the crap feeling. That’s an “ah-ha” moment. I want to stop.

Ali,
I wish too he went thru the withdrawal phase…undoubtedly he’s not…and has someone else available to booty call. And I did see him one more time…and I did just that…walked away…at the bar (he was shocked). He and 1 of his friends were being disrespectful. No booty for jerks. (I’m thinking of writing in to Jeff for a manslation.) It didn’t help, promise…In fact I rehearse what happened in my head…and think about why he turned into an jerk, trying to understand my role, and then sadly…wistful…that I didn’t do the booty… Now how messed up is that?!
No worries…immature and childish can be good sometimes.

By: Ali

Ali — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 21:14:21 +0000

Valencia,
U have no idea how similar our situation is… I wanted a booty call first, was fine with it for a while but then things just went from steaming hot to warm and then to the yucky stage of cold. I wish he’d think of me as much as I think of him… I wished more than anything than he goes thru this withdrawal phase. I actually thought of getting together again. Get him all hot, worked up and bothered and then just walk away… that would help so much, knowing that I had the last word somehow… I know its immature and childish but it beats bussting his windows right? (jk, really!)

By: mybest

mybest — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 05:48:25 +0000

I hope that you have more ice cream in the freezer, you may need it after this.

Please consider the possibility that you already have the relationship you want to have. It is possible to be addicted to the bad feelings you get from not being able to pull off the impossible.

There is a payoff for you here; you are the only one who can figure out what it is. Good luck to you, you can break this pattern if you want to.

By: Valencia

Valencia — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:35:02 +0000

Great to read everybody’s comments…looks like alot of us have been there…Thanks for the comments, esp. to Cyn and Ali. Off to eat my pint o’ ice cream right now…Grr, trying to move on… but, thing is…I wish he was thinking of me… I know I know….better off w/o him…Ice cream!

By: Nhina

Nhina — Sat, 07 Mar 2009 12:04:02 +0000

Firstly, let me just say, I have really enjoyed reading your translations Jeff! Very insightful indeed.

And Comconf, so many of us have been through this situation and I understand the hurt that it entails! Booty calls are fun, but not if one party wants more then just great sex. I went through a similar situation recently where I had pretty much fallen for this guy who only wanted sex. It definitely hurts. And I too was questioning his words/actions, desperate to find something more tangible! But it really wasn’t there, no matter how hard I looked.

You know you’re awesome and that any guy will be lucky to have you. If this guy can’t see it (which he obviously can’t) then it’s definitely time to move on!

Best of luck!!

By: Selena

Selena — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 13:03:58 +0000

I’ve never heard the term “Mooty call”.

I was briefly in a similar relationship once though.

I called it impotence.

By: LK

LK — Fri, 06 Mar 2009 11:24:04 +0000

ComConf – I am sorry this happened to you. BootyCall, when one-sided, is a pretty selfish situation. But the upside is he’s been clear about his thoughts/actions and since it’s equally clear you want something else, you need to clear your decks so you can find that “something else”.

BC’s for me have always been that, and I’ve appreciated those relationships for what they were realizing that they were nothing more. What I had trouble with, it was maybe more of “Mooty Call?” If that’s a term? Basically, when someone brain f***s you without the sex. All the mental/emotional stuff with no physical contact. Boy, was that a personal beating! My first relationship post-divorce; and only occurred because my marriage was more “BC” than anything and it lacked the mental part.

Find balance in your life, CC. Take this situation as a learning experience, define what you do want in your world, and once you know what that is (not WHO that is) he will find you. I pinky swear!

By: MAUEEN

MAUEEN — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 18:50:48 +0000

Dearest ComConf. You have the sympathy of all of us. I can feeeeel the anguish in your letter to Jeff. Life is too short to waste another day on this type of person when thats another day gone by when you could have been happy. I know you like/love him and it hurts like hell but there is a saying that goes something like “if you keep doing what you’re doing you will always get what you’ve got”some thing like that. anyway, girlfriend, time to break the habit. It’s excruciatng, i know, esp if you like him so much but its time. So very time. Better things await you. And you know, life never turns out how you expect. He might be the one running after you, begging you to come back..but hey, too bad, mister..I got me moving along. Good luck.

By: K-Rod

K-Rod — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 13:08:58 +0000

The thing is that whenever you give someone “room” in your heart, that space is not available to someone else who may come along. I know it’s hard to let go of something, but the realization that it’s not a mutual feeling does help toward that end. At least it’s helped me in the past. Knowing that, hey why am I reserving this space for someone who doesn’t want it? Also realizing that if he was Mr. Right he WOULD want it… so for your own good you free that space. Just because we feel one way doesn’t mean the guy feels the same way. It’s confusing for us because, in general, women don’t do the kinds of things that men do unless we have those feelings. And we can’t make someone feel something that they don’t. And who would want to try to anyway.