Did He Just Make a Move, Or Was His Leg Just Tired…Seriously.
Today’s just a quickie (along with a reminder about the FREE BOOK GIVEAWAY contest still going on.) Why a quickie? Well, a reader named Kelly asked…well, she just made me spit Earl Grey tea all over the place with her question. I’ll go ahead and let you read, and then we’ll discuss.
Here it is down and dirty. I like a guy who has been dating someone for a long time. He clearly doesn’t like her and has made known to others that he doesn’t love her.
Ok, I’m sensing that we’re approaching a danger zone here.
Last Saturday he rested his leg gently on mine under a table at a restaurant. So, is he making a move on me or was his leg tired from his golf game? Thanks!
Dear Kelly,
First of all, I’d just like to file a complaint that your situation turned out to be neither down NOR dirty. We all calibrated our receptors for at least one of the two, and now we’re forced to…oh, I can’t stay mad at you, Kelly! This question is too high-larious. Here’s why:
A LEG IS JUST A LEG….NOT
Here’s the thing about guys with physical contact. When it happens…we know it. When we’re making contact with you, we’re aware of it, we know we’re doing it. It’s not always sexual, per se. But it’s never JUST because we were tired from a golf game. (MANSLATOR’S NOTE: Full disclosure: I haven’t played a lot of golf. Or any. But I’ve accidentally been forced to watch some on television, and it just doesn’t look all that exhausting. Not as exhausting as, say, watching it.)
Now, does that mean that he was actively hitting on you? Not necessarily. But it was a bit of a flirt. What that means depends more on the guy than on the leg-resting. Is he a flirtatious guy? Does he like to be the center of female attention? For some guys — even guys with girlfriends — hanging all over other girls is his way of “hiding in plain sight” so he can get away with a little extra physical contact. As in, “Oh, that Jerry, what a hootenanny! He’s ALWAYS grabbing SOMEbody’s ass!” And at that point, if he’s not 14 years old and in drama club (hey, don’t think I don’t remember how THAT went) he’s likely getting sued.
But what about this guy? Was he making a move?
VERDICT: PROBABLY…BUT DON’T GET TOO PSYCHED YET
Yeah, he was probably doing this to gauge your interest level, sure. It sure as hell wasn’t about golf. Just please remember — that gives you ZERO information on whether or not he likes you. At all. All you know is that he’s attracted to you. Totally, totally different thing. A man could get very turned on by resting his leg against any number of ladies. Including, in this case, ladies who are not his girlfriend.
If the question is, “So, does he like you?” the answer is, no one has any way of knowing that yet besides him. He has yet to give any signs either way. If the question is, “Does he like the idea of potentially humping you?” then, yeah, probably.
Good luck, Kelly. Well…I guess. I mean, keep in mind, this is a guy who is willing to do this while he has a girlfriend sitting off somewhere not knowing he’s doing it. Nice fella.
Oh, ladies? Is this a “move” or is golf really that tiring?
Posted: March 16th, 2009 under Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from AnneZ
Time March 16, 2009 at 9:53 am
Unless it was all obvious and stuff–and by that I mean neon signs, process servers and actual leering–I probably wouldn’t have noticed it. Here’s Jeff telling me how naive I am! I’ve probably been hit on way more times than I even knew. I didn’t know men were so highly sensitive on touch and are therefore not as casual or innocent as I had assumed.
To the writer–he doesn’t like his girlfriend? You mean he talks trash about her but in private begs her not to leave him. I would not be too thrilled to have this admirer.
Comment from MAUEEN
Time March 16, 2009 at 10:05 am
Hi Kelly. The thing is when you like someone, you tend to read more into every little thing they say or do and then analyse it to death to see if it means anything. We all do it, I am the Queen of it. Def sounds like he is into you a bit.I can’t see a guy doing this to someone he not into at all. He likes that you like him, wants to keep that spark and attention alive. Again, i don’t think he would do this with someone he was not into, somewhat. If he has girl friend, no matter what anyone says, he is still with her and must have something there with her for him to stick around. When the timing is right and you two are alone, maybe you could suss him out for how he might feel about you and possibly going out with you down the road. Taking some kind of action like this will put you out of some of your agony of wondering. I love Jeff’s down to earth advice. good luck.
Comment from TJo
Time March 16, 2009 at 1:12 pm
” I like a guy who has been dating someone for a long time. He clearly doesn’t like her and has made known to others that he doesn’t love her” and you want to date this guy because?? So, why does he stay with her, obviously making it known to others his “feelings” about her? I’d really question that. And, is this someone you want to date? Remember (2) things, if they’ll do it with you, they’ll do it to you. Do you really want to date a guy of this caliber? Who thinks it’s ok to tell everyone, except his girlfriend about his negative feelings, and continues to stay in the relationship anyway???? And , you teach people how to treat you. I’d stay far away from this guy until he is free & clear of any current GF’s and even then, proceed with caution.
Comment from Ali
Time March 16, 2009 at 2:11 pm
I am the same page with Maueen… we over analize every single thing. He waves hi and we think that he’s head over heels for us, he took the time to raise his hand and wave, he looked at you for 2 seconds and we think he took the time to look at us, it probably meant not much to him but to us over analytical women that we are it meant a lot. Men and women are sooooo different and Jeff could not put it any better even if he tried. He’s always right! I bow to you, Jeff!
Comment from Selena
Time March 16, 2009 at 4:36 pm
“Testing the waters” is my guess. He was attracted to you and wanted to see what your reaction would be to thigh-to-thigh contact.
Talking ‘sum trash about his girlfriend to other people? This is a guy looking to cheat his way out of his relationship.
Maybe with you. Hence, the testing.
What a winner.
Yuck.
Comment from kaizen
Time March 16, 2009 at 9:36 pm
Part of the reason I overanlze and try to look into someone’s action is that I’m looking for love…that grand passion.After almos 3 years of being single and numerous guys touching or looking and reading manslations I have finally realized that it takes two to tango- basic fact but so true. Most guys I’ve met have shown some form of attraction whether looking or touching.But often times because I’m not attracted I don’t give a green signal or other times I like the guy so much that I make excuses for him. I’m 34 and now I’ve realized that for a healthy adult relationship I need to be an adult too and figure out what I want .I’ve been in this kind of a situation and everyone here is on the same page .he did touch your leg because he is attracted.Now it’s upo you whether you want a guy who shows little respect to his current girlfriend in your life.Even id she is at fault for some reason he should put that relationship torest before he goes rubbing his thigh to someone else’s thigh.
Comment from Nhina
Time March 17, 2009 at 2:48 am
What is up with guys with girlfriends who do this sort of thing? Ah!
Definitely a case of over analysing.. as the other ladies have stated!
Comment from KC
Time March 17, 2009 at 1:28 pm
Kelly – my question to you would be how well do you know this guy? Is he a best friend who you’ve known for years, or a random dude you’ve just recently met. I ask because I have some close male friends who I may jokingly lean on etc etc but that by NO MEANS would suggest that I have feelings for them. However, if I had physical contact with someone I just met and don’t know very well…. well that may mean I’m interested….
Comment from strawhat
Time March 17, 2009 at 9:06 pm
putting my 2 cents worth in here,
i would not even give him the chance to rest his leg as you put it,what he does to others he will do to you, are you ready for pain and heart break?cause that’s all that will come of it
give it a miss there’s better out there for you
Comment from kelly
Time March 17, 2009 at 9:51 pm
Thanks everyone for your feedback and thanks to you Jeff! Your interpretation was right on and hilarious! Im a little green after being recently divorced after 15 years and needed some interpretation. To answer some of the earlier posts. The leg leaning thing was for about fiftheen minutes, Ive known him since the 7th grade, he’s not a player and most would consider him shy. So perhaps I am overanalyzing the whole thing. The whole thing was a bit shocking to me considering he does have a girl friend. Lucky for me Im mature enough to realize that any guy looking to a woman to get him out of an unhappy situation is not the kind of guy that I really want. Appreciate the advice. Thanks guys!
Comment from indian_girl
Time March 19, 2009 at 5:35 am
I love the ending paragraph Jeff ! Great Advice !
Comment from Kelly
Time March 31, 2009 at 6:38 pm
Different Kelly… I could say I was the girlfriend because just recently my ex-boyfriend had been flirting with a bartender at a bar we hung out at. He had been telling her lies and she did the smart thing and asked me about what was going on with us. I appreciated her telling me and she helped me to realize what I was trying to figure out… did I still love him? The fact that she told me this and it didn’t hurt me told me that I was no longer in love with him and I am now free! The girl and I are friends and he’s without either of us!
Comment from Sassy
Time March 16, 2009 at 7:12 am
Hate to get all nit-picky here, but was it a 2-second rest, or a hey-I’m-lounging-here-get-me-a-beer rest? I mean, if you’re in a crowd, people brush against people and if it’s a guy, he might stay there for a second or two ’cause…well, he’s a guy.
As usual, Jeff is right. (do we ever get tired of saying that? No!)
Enjoy the leg-brush and find your own golfer! There’s one out there for you!