Why do WOMEN Have to do All the Work??
(MANSLATOR’S NOTE: Last chance to enter the FREE BOOK GIVEAWAY contest — winners announced next week!)
A reader who cleverly hides her point of view with the devilishly cunning name, “MenAreLazy”, wants to know how come women are the ones expected to do all the work on the relationship. Boy do I have news for HER!
Greetings!
Aloha!
This isn’t so much a request for a manslation, as much as it is just a few general questions. I’ve been reading your site for a few weeks now, browsing through archives and such (yeah, I really have nothing to do at work!)…and I’m diggin’ the advice you give. Now, obviously, as this is a MANslation website and women are coming to you with their male issues and how to address them, the scope of advice would be how to address a situation so that a male can “understand it” (I’ll refrain from using the term “man” considering that most males never really amount to more than little boys…real “men” are few and far between).
I don’t know about the “few” part, but as far as the “far between” goes, yeah, I like to keep my distance from pretty much everybody. Then again, my dream for most of my adult life has been to win the lottery and then join the Witness Relocation Program, so don’t go by me.
Also…just fyi — when you refer to almost all men as “little boys” like that, even if you’re talking to the guys who you deem “real men,” it’s like when a man says, “Yeah, basically all women are friggin’ crazy. But you’re nice.” Just saying. Carry on.
But here are my questions: Why should women be the only ones that have to adjust their behaviors/approach? Where the heck are the males out there who have the courage to actually try and understand how women THINK and FEEL?
Ha ha ha! If you think we’re not trying day and night to understand how you think and feel, you are very much mistaken. Now, how successful we are at it, er, that’s another matter.
And again, you’ve now called the majority of men “little boys” and now cowards. Might I hazard a guess that you’re currently single?
I’m tired of hearing the same old “Men are stupid” excuse, because honestly, that’s all it is: an EXCUSE! Yes, there truly are people in this world that can’t look past their own needs/issues to have consideration for others…but to say that every single male is incapable of actually looking past his own selfishness to be able to consider another human being?? That’s just a cop out!!
Yes, males think in terms of logics and blah blah blah, but they’re human beings, are they not?
Yes’m.
They have feelings, right? They have emotions?
Oh, yes’m.
They can spend time perfecting every single little detail of a “manly” project, can they not?
Errr….maybe…
So why should they be let off the hook w/ the old “men are stupid” excuse when they don’t pay the same type of attention to doing something that makes a woman happy, even if it is having a conversation about feelings and emotions and all that stuff?
I wouldn’t say “stupid,” though I might say “uneducated,” which is totally different. As in, if a man doesn’t feel that having that conversation is important to him, he’s is going to have to be educated that it is important to you. Now, you might not LIKE that he has to be taught that, but…well, I don’t know what to tell you. People don’t know what they don’t know until they know it. You know?
And I’m tired of hearing all that “men are from mars, women are from Venus,” “men really ARE that stupid” crap. Because the truth is, males aren’t stupid; they’re just LAZY!!! The bottom line is that we are all human beings, and we’re all capable of reason, logic, emotions, feelings, and all that good stuff. So why the heck should women do all the freakin’ work in trying to figure out men?!!?!
I’d love to hear your thoughts.
Sincerely,
MenAreLazy
Dear M_Are_L,
This sounds like it might be the flipside of, “How come he doesn’t know WE are in love?” It goes, “How come he doesn’t know that WE need to have a talk.” The quick, smartass answer is, “we” don’t need to have a talk at all. You do. He’s just sitting there. Of course, my entire life has been telling me that the quick, smartass answer is not sufficient. Ah well. I’ll continue.
Men have a very similar complaint on this very same issue, by the way. It goes like this:
“How come, if women want men to understand something about them, they don’t just tell us? How do they expect us to know, and how come it’s MY problem when I don’t guess?
Sincerely,
WomenWantPsychics”
Both sides of this are just mistaken perspectives, I think — taking one side and working under the impression that it’s the ONLY side. And also, neither side, you know, “helps.” So, let’s try something that might.
You ask why women, in your example, have to do all the work. Here’s the real truth, in the form of a Commandment:
The First Commandment of Who Has to do the Work:
He (or she) who wants something to change…is the one who has to do the work.
What’s the other option? You don’t really expect a guy to start solving a problem that he doesn’t know exists, right?
Wait…don’t answer that.
Ba-dum-TSHHHHHH! Thanks, folks, thank you, I’ll be here all week!
Look, I’m being flip, but I really do know what you’re talking about. Men do seem less interested in the matters you’re talking about — talking about feelings, etc. As a gender, we’re less likely to think about that stuff.
Note — what I did NOT say was, “Men know that there is a need to talk about that stuff, but are unwilling to do so.” No. That WOULD be laziness, sure. But it’s not what happens. It’s just that lots of men don’t automatically share your interest in having that particular talk. Ergo, we don’t see the lack of such talk as something we need to go solve. Not unless you tell us that’s what you want.
So yes, we’re back to the Commandment. If you want that to change, yep, it’s up to you to start the ball rolling.
THE GOOD NEWS ABOUT THIS: WHEN YOU WANT A CHANGE, YOU HAVE THE POWER
Listen, I know that you wish that men would…well, actually, no, I don’t know what you wish men would do. Hell, if I knew that, I’D do it and be the ultimate man on the Earth. Then, I’d package it, sell it, and I’d be so rich that I could get right into Witness Protection that afternoon. Ahhh…
Aaaaaand, back to my normal life. (sigh.)
Anyway, here’s the thing. When there’s a situation like the one you describe, here’s why you — lucky you — get to do the work: You know everything about the situation. Everything. There’s nothing that he knows. What do I mean? Well, you know…
- …THAT SOMETHING IS WRONG: He doesn’t know what you want to be different. And he will likely never guess it. How could he? Even the rightest of right guys doesn’t know what you don’t express. But you do — you’re the one who feels that something is wrong, so of course you know the answer to this one. Yay! (Hey, at least someone knows, right?)
- …WHAT WOULD MAKE IT “RIGHT”: Boy, he really doesn’t know this. And again, he will really never guess. No, not even if you’re dating Nostradamus. Even if he knows something is wrong, there’s no way in hell that he knows what, specifically, you wish was different. You’ve got to tell him. What, is he gonna tell YOU what you would like him to talk about?
That’s what that Commandment is all about. You have an issue that you’d like to address? Well, you’re in the driver’s seat. And that means that YOU get to set the tone for how stuff gets fixed. Of course…it also means that you HAVE to set that tone.
THE BOTTOM LINE: DIFF’RUNT IS DIFF’RUNT
And I’m not talking about all the Mars/Venus stuff where ALL men do this and ALL women do that or whatever. Whether one of the genders is from Mars and the other is from Venus, all of us have our heads up Uranus when it comes to this: We all forget how different we are from EVERY other person. Not just gender-by-gender. We think because we all speak the same language and shop at the GAP that we must be working with the same brain. Not even close. Even the most compatible people STILL have to teach each other how to speak each other’s language.
The nice thing is that you can rest assured that for everything that men do (or not) that drives you nuts, there’s almost certainly something that you’re doing that is driving them nuts. Circle of life, people.
Good luck, MenAreLazy. I know it’s tempting to get totally mad at the opposite sex for being a bunch of losers. But the fact is that it’s a waste of energy. Women say men are lazy, men say women are crazy, and that’s all fine on a sit-com. But usually the for-real complaint is, “How come I haven’t found my person yet?” And the answer is…I dunno.
Do that whole Gandhi thing. Become the change you want to see. Teach men what kind of a man you need, and maybe you’ll get it. The other option is blaming an entire gender for not being what you wish it was. And you can imagine how that works out.
What do you think, ladies? Are women doing more work than is fair here? What’s the deal?
Posted: March 20th, 2009 under Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from indian_girl
Time March 20, 2009 at 9:27 am
Great manslation Jeff, as always ! I can add one more eg, though it might not totally fit ! If our boss wants us to get some work done, or done in a different way, we dont guess it and do it ourselves, unless he lets us know !
Now, the person who does the work shows his committment, he/she has to, else look for another good one ! 
Boss not askie work to be done, or in a different way, we’ve no idea, and no do-ie , right ? And if he accuses us of not being supernatural, what the hey ?
Btw, I was on MenAreLazy’s shoes ( partially ) in that I felt the wrong ” men ” I saw represented ALL men ! It was in my teens(y) innocence though ! Then, I saw some …. ahem, ” interesting ” women, and it made think if some guys think these women are ALL women , and how I’d feel about it, me being , the good, smart, sweet girl !
It also helped me recognize there are bad people in men and women, and similarly bad men ! Gender has no role in it !
Dear MenAreLazy, I know a man whose wife is in bed paralyzed for 10 yrs, they dont have children.He’s in his early 50′s, and you know, he’s so loyal to her, and loves her dearly ! He goes home soon after work, takes so good care of her.How do I know? I was their neighbour ! Now, ah, you think this is an “Exception” to the rule of men being stupid etc … but once you wide your horizons, trust me, you’ll be able to see good men around, and perhaps some “lazy” women too !
Jeff does an excellent job of teaching women how to talk to men( see boss’s eg) ! And for a typical woman, who’s used to expecting men to understand, unsaid, unspoken, this felt simple, great aaaaaaaand powerful !
Comment from Ali
Time March 20, 2009 at 8:13 pm
Jeff,
Great job yet again!
One thing I’ve learned from this website is that men must be told EXACTLY what we want, how we want it and where we want it. No, I don’t mean sex (well,sometimes they do, but that’s not what I’m talking about here), I mean in general. Feelings, love, relationships, help with chores, advice, kids. I don’t think they’re lazy, just not as into things as we girls are. If yo want something then you are theonly one that can make it happen. Trust me, they won’t guess.
Comment from Sara
Time March 20, 2009 at 11:48 pm
I really liked this one. Sometimes, I can fall into the mentality of our letter writer, and it gets me frustrated. If I tell my boyfriend that I just had a hard day at work, and I’m really stressed, I want him to hold me and tell me it’s ok and that he’ll give me a nice back massage to relax me.
Now snapping out of my fairytale, he normally says “oh, that sucks”, and that’s the end of it. But that’s who he is. If he had a bad day, that’s what he would want me to say.
And yet, flipping back, I acknowledge that, but I also don’t want to tell him to do specifically what I want, because it takes the romance out of it. That’s not what happens in the movies.
But I think that’s the reality of good relationships. They aren’t movies. They’re real and they need work and they need really good communication. Hopefully, in time, you will grow with that person and not so much will need to be outlined, because he already knows from previous discussions. But until then, it’s patience and communication.
But it feels really good to hear you say that, manslator, because when my boyfriend says it and I’m already upset, it just makes me feel like he’s giving me some sort of cop out, and it makes it worse.
Thanks, manslator!
Comment from LK
Time March 21, 2009 at 6:48 am
Hi All –
I can’t help but wonder if M-A-L is also forgetting that we sometimes bring people into our worlds as a method of learning something about ourselves. Sometimes we look to the other person to solve things for us; but that is an individual issue as you Manslaterly put it, JM. No one can know what’s up except the “upped” person. And, as females, we sometimes can’t put a finger on it, either (stupid hormones).
That leads me to believe that it’s a good plan to see what it is the guy is reflecting back – if he seems mystified (he probably is) but it could possibly be that the messenger is equally mystified. I think it’s a good time for M-A-L to take a good self-inventory and maybe spend some time getting in touch with whatever is bothering/not right and do some self-work before accusing another guy of laziness. Not saying you are lazy yourself, M-A-L, but sometimes the work is ours, not our partners.
A good example of this is my g’friend who is (apparently) heading into early menopause; she’s been slightly basket-casing these last couple of years. She finally broke down on her husband (a very loving guy, albeit a guy’s guy – not much into the chatting thing) poured her heart out to him about “everything” and ended the conversation with “gees, I need a beer”. He promptly went out and bought her a six pack. She was upset that perhaps he didn’t hear her. My take is that he heard her, very clearly, and took the only action she directed to try and fix the situation. I thought it was a real sweet gesture and pointed that out to her. He wants to help, but if she doesn’t know what’s going on, how the heck can he help?
Just sayin’….we sometimes have our own burdens to weigh through and THEN we get to find our guy.
LK
Comment from KJ
Time March 21, 2009 at 8:46 am
Wow. It’s exhausting. As someone who has had to “teach” over 14 years worth of a relationship, I’m done with this crap. I’m a woman and I’m tired. Can’t we just be happy on our own sometimes?
Comment from jewel
Time March 21, 2009 at 8:45 pm
It takes two to tangle.It is true that men may not pick up on the same things that womnen do but I also feel that it is unfair for us to expect men to read our minds.I think that communication is key and by that I mean tell him how you feel or that it means alot to you that you discuss an issue. If he then ignores that then be mad but before you have communicated that,it is unfair to get mad at him for not being able to figure it out.Men are not lazy… The best way that I can interprete that statement is .. A man that is not into a relationship will not make an effort to listen or do the work that is necessary to maintain the relationship and his reluctancy should tell you something
Comment from mmagnolia
Time March 21, 2009 at 11:12 pm
Dear All,
Pesos pitched here w/Friends Selena+jewel….e.g., “those who are lazy in a relationship are the ones who really aren’t that into it”;
—and the church says A-m-e-n!
Nonetheless, pesos also pitched w/Man Montaigne….e.g., “nothing human is foreign to me”;
—calls 4 another round of Amen!
No offense, Prof.JM [and...don't leave 4WitPro w/o LadyLiz!]….but *The Man’s* inability to decode emotional needs of womenfolk also CAN bchalked up to artificial menus: Nurtured vs. Natural!
As human males & females, we all dip quills in the same natural hormones– the portions differ, not the chemistry!
Oops…but maybe “They” know the Golden Manslation Rule of ignore words and salute actions! Thus, Behaviors?
Who squealed!
Men[can]A C T Lazy, and it’s frustrating for women who love ThemMen 2do some ToughLove, and NOT let ‘em act thusly.
On the other paw of St. Paul’s definition of LOVE, it’s not so clearcut…doubleRats!
Seems…that if only one person “wants something to change”, truelove’s fairytelling is dead longB4 arrival!
Mindreading, in sense of anticipation, has an invitation. Communication is AN aphrodisiac extraordinaire; Cheers4That!
Comment from T
Time March 22, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Wow Mac.
That is sheer perfection right there. Probably one of my favorite basic manslations to date.
100% agreed!
Pingback from Are Men Too Lazy in Relationships? | cupidsCATCH
Time March 24, 2009 at 7:45 am
[...] Click here to read his full response. [...]
Comment from hunter
Time March 24, 2009 at 9:11 pm
KJ, your response made me laugh!…that was humorous…”Can’t we just be happy on our own sometimes?”…My words exactly, and, I am the kind that can’t even get on the r’ship!….
Comment from bl1y
Time March 25, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Men to a ton of work in relationships that we often don’t get credit for. We usually have to make the first move and bear the risk of rejection. We’re also expected to pay the cost of the first few (if not all) dates, making the risk of rejection a whole lot more expensive for us.
The reason men don’t like to talk about feelings and what they want changed in the relationship is because we’re too used to women turning the conversation around on us to make it about what they can get and not how there can be a compromise. If we say we just want a half-hour of quiet time to watch SportsCenter, we get hit with a laundry list of demands in return. We’ve learned out lesson. We’re not lazy, we’ve just learned that when you mess with the bull you get the horns.
Stop being bulls, and we’ll get back in the ring.
Comment from mmagnolia
Time March 25, 2009 at 11:45 pm
Dear bl1y,
There’s more than 1*y* up yonder in Your dilemma…but t’is surmountable!
Congrats! on scoping Your Needs. Seems…. that someone’s “ton of work” depends on someone’s “laundry list”
Short Suggestion: Next moment U bump into a potential romance, grind [yep, w/pun!] Your menu of dealbreakers and Share what those *GottaHaves* are!
If not shared, what’s YourPoint2Point?
You’ve got some Excellent Fixings.
Stir & Serve w/Buon Appetito!
Comment from The Nerd
Time May 13, 2009 at 3:09 pm
I gotta go find some glue to reconnect my ass to my body, cause I just laughed it off. Excellent response!
Comment from ReallyLongAssAnswer
Time May 16, 2009 at 1:12 am
http://manslations.com/2009/03/20/why-do-women-have-to-do-all-the-work/comment-page-1/#comment-6784
Here are my observations, as a highly successful and great looking young man who’s been in many, many relationships, more than most women.
- We have to pay for all the dates and drinks. If we don’t, feminism says we’re garbage and not worth their time. It’s “chivalry”… Pff… This is from a bygone era when women DIDN’T earn as much as men. Women earn the same today, and often about 2% more for the same job (don’t believe the feminist bullshit claiming a 50% wage gap, that’s if you compare women vs men AS A WHOLE; but if you compare THE SAME JOBS women earn more, and the reason that women have less high-paying jobs is because a lot of women are stay-at-home moms or have very easy jobs while their man is the breadwinner who brings home all the dough…)
- We have to buy gifts regularly to keep you interested (quite a lot of women expect gifts regularly), diamonds are the best, and if one man can’t provide that then another one can.
- We have to avoid you cheating with all the men that hit on you, it’s proven that 70% of women cheat and something like 20% of all men, but although this new study is liberating, it’s nothing men didn’t already know. Women get hit on an average of 10 times per day if they’re even moderately attractive, and that’s a LOT of temptation, while a MAN has to work for it. Coincidentally, that’s why men who are successful with a lot of are called PLAYERS and women who sleep with a lot of men are called SLUTS. A woman has to open her legs and 50 men line up, a man has to work hard to win a woman. There’s nothing they can do about the “whore” stamp if they’re easy, this will never change, it’s basic biology. Again, as for the cheating, if you’re a woman reading this you may think “I’ve never cheated”, but ask yourself how many times you’ve been hit on by men when you’re in a relationship, and been interested in the man doing it, and soon you decide to end the relationship with your guy to go with the new one, that’s a form of cheating and acting on the impulse of going with the new man and it’s accounted for in the study. Breaking off a relationship to be with someone else IS cheating, and always will be EXCEPT when you stay with someone, then LEAVE THEM because it didn’t work, and THEN a nice guy comes along.
- We have to live with the constant accusations that “all men are rapists at heart”, and that “all men are violent”, and that “women are better parents”. New studies have shown that, first off, MEN AND WOMEN ARE EQUALLY VIOLENT. In ALL relationships, there’s an EQUAL amount of aggression from BOTH sides, 50/50! Women usually do passive-aggressive things that are more devious and underhanded (such as stealing the man’s wallet and spending a lot of money with another man that they decide to cheat with as revenge), and men usually do more physical things such as hitting, which hurts for a while. Next up, “all men are rapists”? That’s a pretty image that has no basis in reality. And lastly, “women are better parents” has been completely obliterated; research has showed that kids (both male and female) that grow up in all-women homes are timid, have trouble thinking for themselves, are less logical, less assertive, and less successful in life. It’s also a fact that most child deaths caused by parents are caused by women. Despite all this, the courts are rigged in favor of women winning custody and assets in a divorce! If you don’t believe what I’m saying (because it IS shocking news, I agree), Google it and you’ll find the studies.
- We have to read your mind; you expect it, you’re ENTITLED to it since that’s what Feminism has taught you, “if he doesn’t know what you want then he’s garbage” (which is pretty hard when YOU don’t even know what YOU want). Most women are HIGHLY emotional and will enter “fits” when they’re completely devoid of logic, and do horrible decisions or say horrible things that they completely regret later, this isn’t something they can help of course, it’s just hormones. This whole “mindreading” crap is at dangerous levels in some women, to the point where THEY feel something (such as frustration that the sink is not clean enough) and project those feelings to the man and then HONESTLY BELIEVE that the man is feeling the same thing but choosing not to discuss it; this is a basic psychological principle, it’s called projection, and it’s bullshit! If you are one of these women that think you deserve a mindreader, a psychic, read this: NOBODY can know ANYTHING about YOUR issues until YOU tell them, it’s YOUR responsibilty, ALWAYS, with NO EXCEPTIONS! YOU want us to understand something about you but you don’t TELL us, that’s fucking unreasonable, it’s sad as hell that many women actually buy into those expectations. And then they think it’s OUR fault that the relationships break over some issue they’ve been mulling over in their head and expecting us to know about, when it’s THEIR issue that THEY refuse to voice. Hoooly shit… Talk about Batshit Insane women (or rather, just misguided)! Women expect men (OR OTHER WOMEN) to solve issues they didn’t know existed. It’s horribly unequal. Lots of women have come to me and spilled their hearts about how their man does X, Y and Z and how they wish he’ll realize what she wants and fix his ways. I ALWAYS give them a verbal bitchslap and tell them that they’re basically fucking morons if they think someone can know about another person’s worries without ever HEARING about them in the first place. After this, they’ve all gone to their men and voiced their concerns, the men have dealt with it, and they have happy relationships. Wow, how simple that was! TALKING to your partner instead of EXPECTING MINDREADING! They expect the MEN to talk to THEM about what THEY wanted to talk about. That’s pure laziness and a lack of understanding of how other people’s minds work, and believing that EVERYBODY shares the same brain and mindset as them (and therefore EXPECT others to know what they’re thinking about), but NOBODY is a mind reader that “just knows” (like Feminism tells them to expect of their men) the thoughts and worries of the people around them. Yeah, I really went on about this point but it’s pretty much THE most devastating one of them all, and it breaks more relationshops than ANY other issue, with women (and rarely, men) cheating being second. Here’s the facts: Men and women think differently, have different priorities, worry about different perceived issues (remember, an issue doesn’t even have to be real) in the relationship, and it’s worse than that: NO TWO PEOPLE ARE ALIKE AND EVEN PEOPLE OF THE SAME SEX WILL HAVE DIFFERENT ISSUES IN A RELATIONSHIP. Mindreading will NEVER work, but if you’re together with someone for years you can begin to understand them better; it’s still not mindreading but at least you won’t have to say as much.
- We have to deal with women who have chosen bad men all their life and have a gripe with men and blame it on “men are stupid” propaganda. Unlike them, I know that what I am listing here DOESN’T APPLY TO INTELLIGENT WOMEN WHO CAN THINK FOR THEMSELVES AND HAVEN’T FALLEN FOR THE COMMUNIST-, sorry, FEMINIST PROPAGANDA, LIES AND SMEAR. It doesn’t apply one BIT to the women who understand that Feminist Inc has an evil agenda, which is to debase the value of all men and bring all the power, money and entitlement to women, without caring about the cost for men, these feminist leaders see it as “cosmic payback for all the centuries of oppression” (which is already highly debatable, since men have historically provided VERY WELL for women, and women haven’t had to do any dangerous work, that’s ALWAYS been on the men, such as war and HEAVY work).
- We have to work hard as hell in bed while you lay back and groan, it’s never about us or what we ask for. We have to have stamina, energy, and ejaculatory control. Men come in an average of 30 seconds to 3 minutes, while women take 40 minutes. Obviously there’s a gap, so not only do we have to do all the highly tiring thrusting in bed, we also have to hold it in and constantly pause to recover, and yet women (who just lay back and moan) have the audacity to say “don’t forget my nipples!”.
- We have to beg for sex and constantly “earn” it. Controlling sex is nothing but passive-aggressive, nasty behaviour.
- We have to trade money, fame and status for sex and beauty which are women’s two main assets (this applies to all those women that have looks but no brains, and to the women who expect their men to bring in most of the money (this is a majority, several studies have all shown that when asked, almost all women said “it’s wrong to make men do all the work of providing for the woman”, but 100% of the women also responded that “they’d like a man that provides for them so they can be free to do whatever they want with their days, such as going to the gym or shopping” – that’s honestly what they replied!)). A man who buys a ferrari gets boatloads of women coming up to him. By now you may be thinking “he’s living in a cartoon world”. No, as if we didn’t already know that expensive clothes and cars bring in the women, my friend recently upgraded from a worn-down car to a ferrari. He had moderate success with women before, perhaps 1-2 women per year would come up to him and hit on him. When he bought the ferrari, he would get 20 women per month who’d come up to his car, wink and start their “thing” to try and get some of his money, via dates, relationships and so on. Women trade money for sex, and always have. Sigh. The man with the most “stuff” wins the most beautiful women. Studies have confirmed this, showing that material wealth in the man was DIRECTLY proportional to the beauty of the woman they were with.
- We have to do all the work in MOST relationships, where men are usually the sole person working, or the sole person working a high-paying job that pays for all those spa treatments, holidays, the home, the cars, and the education for the children, while women mostly work low-paying jobs or not at all.
- But as if being the sole breadwinner is not enough, we STILL have to do ALL the heavy work at home, that’s EXPECTED of men, you don’t tell a WOMAN to go fix the fence, you’ll get a slap.
- Despite all the above, stay-at-home women are still pissed off that we don’t help them do the dishes or spend as much time with children after work. After all “we should share the work 50-50″, but apparently that only applies when it’s THEIR work. They are taught that men are lazy and they are completely blinded to how much work men actually do both professionally and in the home, I’d dare ANY woman to be the sole monetary provider, working hard all day, coming home to fix the heavy work around the house, putting up with the “we should share the work of doing the dishes” whine, and still be a perfect at-home parent when completely exhausted.
And don’t forget the claim they’re hiding behind that “women are timid/weak” and “men are strong”, which they use to justify a LOT of things they don’t WANT to do and things they EXPECT men to do. This has no basis in reality.
Feminism have given women a golden credit card with no responsibility attached; it has told them that they are princesses who can never, ever be wrong, and that all men are dogs, that all men are stupid, and that they are basically WALKING WALLETS. This is straight from their doctrine.
YOU GO GIRL!
It teaches women to expect a fairytale and a beautiful, wealthy man to sweep them off their feet and carry them to fairyland. Another recent survey showed that the MAJORITY of young women would “lay on their back” (sex) and marry an 80 year old man to inherit all of his money. Disgusting. This fairytale mentality goes right back into the mindreading expectations, they’ve seen too many Hugh Grant movies and expect men to know all their worries, to give them a foot massage and then top it off with great 3 hour sex, but that’s CINEMA, it’s SCRIPTED, it’s NOT REAL. A beautiful relationship is one of talking to each other and sharing laughter and feelings, not one where one side (the woman) expects the other to know everything about them through mindreading, and leaving because the man failed with that impossible task; I guess those women would be happy with Professional Psychic (TM) Uri Geller, who claims that he can read minds and bend spoons and all that crap (which turned out to be pre-bent and then put in a freezer to regain their stiffness; the heat of his hand would then cause the kitchen utensils to become warm and bend again).
Despite all this bullshit that’s going on in the world right now, there are luckily highly intelligent anti-feminist females, who realize what’s happening; women are becoming bitches. They’re FOR female empowerment in the workforce and at home and AGAINST taking advantage of men and claiming intellectual superiority by females (which is funny since there are 99 male scientists and innovators for every woman, which is funny when feminists are claiming intellectual superiorty, when in fact they haven’t contributed many inventions at all; the major ones are about 7 in number, and that involves Barbie dolls (I read the full list not long ago)… Also, Google has “intelligent sensing” for common terms on webpages, and if you searched for “she invented”, its helpful suggestions box ACTUALLY said: “Did you mean: He invented?”. They fixed this by coding a block on that suggestion to avoid embarassment, hehe.)
I’m with a FANTASTIC girl who’s highly intelligent and understands all of these things, which SHOULD be common sense (but sadly most people don’t understand that there are other people around them and that these people don’t perceive the world in the same way and can’t read minds); she’s a strong woman who takes a strong stance against Feminist Inc propaganda and the STUPID SHEEP that follow it (she sees that it’s based on distorted, false statistics, such as the “a woman is raped every 4 seconds” bullshit that’s become a popular mantra, which was originally posted as a short FICTIONAL story in a magazine in 96, which that they decided to quote without giving the source – it’s complete FICTION). We work PERFECTLY together because we BOTH talk to each other if there’s a problem, because we’re INTELLIGENT ENOUGH to know that NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT OUR FEELINGS EXCEPT OURSELVES, AND IF WE WANT OTHERS TO KNOW ABOUT THEM, WE HAVE TO TELL THEM! 
I think ANYONE can work together with ANYONE else as long as they both understand these things (what I’ve listed above, and many other things I’ve forgotten to mention), and just decide to make communication, empathy and understanding a part of the relationship. Problems in our relationship are dealt with swiftly and without headache or heartache, and we’ve been together for 5 years without a single hiccup.
Comment from mmagnolia
Time May 16, 2009 at 9:32 pm
Dear*RLAA* (indulge my familiarity!),
Thanks….how’d Uknow some scintillating, titillating carrying-on was needed!
First: Congrats! on “FANTASTIC girl” [Yes, "girl" as endearment = OK]; real condolence on past woes.
BTW: Hope Ms.Fantastic knows what’s been shared here w/us. Plates, piled high but will crunch a few morsels!
FYI: There’s something Ushould want 2know [not "mindreading", appealing 2Your *give me the facts* Person!].
U give statsGood [albeit, room4debate!] but….an important one is absent!
Married Men are ranked AND self-rank as “happiest” among married and unmarried folks! [Yes, NO generality can trump individual reality.]
Wow! Given Your togetherness w/Ms. Fantastic “for 5 years without a single hiccup”, it’s pastTime 4Best Bouquet!]
Remember generalities, But: Happiness of UNmarried women outranks that of married women. [Ms.F = Footdragger?]
Oops! Your “dare ANY woman to be the sole monetary provider, working hard all day, coming home to fix the heavy work around the house” is.. AND.. has been *met & raised* by S-I-N-G-L-E women, since Earth’s been trod by Man+Woman!
Oops! U write that U’re “a great looking young man who’s been in many, many relationships, more than most women”.
Some math seems problematic, even if we set aside *fact* that morbidity of males is higher than that of females–within any generational cohort.
Am wondering whether Your bevy of “women” includes *duplicates* or includes assortments outside Your own generational cohort. !No prob…there!
It’s intriguing that Your individual conclusions could apply2 experiences w/diversely-aged females. Check around: Fair debate is unlimited on whether routines of women below50 and above50 mimic Your exact perspectives.
Unlimitedness of clarity [which seems important 2U] is a GoodThing!
Thanks 4text; will go forth, Sin no more!
Last: Keep a Smile as First Perspective!
Comment from karin
Time May 30, 2009 at 7:16 pm
i’m just saying all this advice and many books are aimed towards women trying to understand men. i don’t think i have ever seen a man reading something about how to understand women but i have seen them read about how to pick up women or how to get laid.
i am not bitter or angry about this and i am in a happy relationship but i know that it is true that women will always have to do all the work, sadly. we as women have to figure them out and keep their egos stroked. the fact that we are on this website proves it but who said life is fair?
Comment from mmagnolia
Time May 30, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Dear karin,
On a bright side…isn’t it a Blessing that our female gender tends 2B excellent at working the relationside of the street!
Perhaps, evolution plays a part–along with *culture*–so that the male gender is better at other stuff. Division o’Labors…let ‘em battle lizards and cockroaches–yipes!
FYI….RLAAdear: Oops! Females really do earn less than males, dollar4dollar. Worse state in union is near 63 femalecents to 100male cents on our USdollar. Wherever, whenever: Please do what Ucan 2remedy. MerciBouquets!
Comment from stuffandnonsense
Time July 29, 2009 at 1:54 pm
Okay, angry issues, much? Two on one page.
I’m just going to let the feminism diatribe go. I personally am old enough to remember when women in the USA were legally property, did not control their own inheritances, and could not use their own bank accounts without the approval and countersignature of a man,….oh, wait, that’s still TRUE in more countries than not! And I’m really NOT that old.
Anyway. Back to the (hijacked) topic: “Men are lazy.” From yet another angry person. The conclusion I have come to is that all people are “lazy.” Just about different things. And usually, the things they are lazy about are things that aren’t on their radar screens at all.
For example, my husband took care of both cars, cleaned the garage, did the lawn, etc. Until I was widowed, I just never realized how much work was involved in the freaking garage. It’s not that I wasn’t willing to do it—I just didn’t even know the work existed. It wasn’t on my radar screen. Occasionally, my husband would ask me to take the car for an oil change, and of course I did…but never did it occur to me that both cars had to be done regularly, and that was two hours per car just for that, six times a year.
My point here is that men aren’t “lazy”, it’s that (like me and the garage) relationships aren’t on their radar screen. Sex is on their radar screen. Football (or whatever) is on their radar screen. Washing their baby (car) is on their radar screen. These are the things that (either through genetics, osmosis, conditioning or environment) are important to them.
A clean house is not important to them, and it’s ridiculous to expect them to care that the toilets aren’t sanitary. For most men, the house could fall down around their ears, and if they can still find their computer, all is well.
By the exact same token, a relationship could be falling apart around them, and as long as they are getting (semi) regular sex and giving presents (what IS that about, anyway?), all is well. I have noticed that not only are women the initiators of most divorces, men are invariably surprised when they are served.
Now, if that was occasional, you could just say the particular man was clueless. But when all the men are clueless about the same things, this tells me (as a female) that the item (in this case the crumbling relationship) is just not on their radar screen, and that has to be the fault of genetics, conditioning, osmosis, and enviroment (in this case the significant other).
It is NOT that men aren’t willing to do the work. Most men work hard as hell to “get” a woman, and having to replace her is also a lot of work (not to mention the breakup drama). They would prefer to do minimum maintenance on the relationship they have, and of course, would be willing to increase the maintenance or make improvements if they thought it would result in upgraded performance (more sex).
But, in order to do that, someone, somewhere, is going to have to tell them what the minimum maintenance is, and the schedule upon which that minimum maintenance needs to be done, what improvments might increase performance (sex) and WHY (cause guys are all about solving things).
Since men aren’t into relationships, they are also not into self-help books, so they aren’t going to get the info there. If already dating or in a relationship, they are probably getting regular sex, so they aren’t going to look at the “how to get laid” books either. That leaves the work to his mother, his father (ha), or you. His mother hates you, his father taught him to be who he is already, and you’re the one who’s bothered, so guess what? You’re the someone, somewhere.
Get the hell over it and tell him (SPECIFICALLY) what you need (keeping in mind that no one else can make you happy but you. that’s an internal thing, and your man can’t do it for you).
Finally, and I say this with great love. If you think “all men are little boys” and “real men are few and far between” that’s what you’re going to find. I find that most men are loving, caring, fun to be around, smell wonderful, are funny and smart, and (most importantly) like me. Certainly, there are some who are outliers, but they are the EXCEPTION, not the rule.
We find what we are looking for, and you are looking for “little boys.” Men try to give you what you want, and you appear to want “little boys”, as that reinforces your beliefs. Among other things, this allows them to act helpless, so you can step in and mother them, further reinforcing your beliefs.
Again, I say this with great love, but your entire email screams to me that you don’t even LIKE men. Quality men aren’t interested in women who don’t like men, and believe me, they can’t MISS that vibe (I see it all the time). So you are going to meet a lot of men who don’t like women (as women who don’t like men validates their beliefs). It’s a vicious circle.
I love men generally, and I attempt to refrain from bashing them (sometimes it just happens, guys, sorry). I also won’t hang with women who insist on bashing men, because that can’t help but rub off.
Make a concious effort to look for the fabulous in men. What do you LIKE about them? Look for that in ALL men, and consider the abberations as just that, abberations.
I promise you, you’ll start meeting a better class of man. Maybe even a mindreader. 
Comment from mmagnolia
Time July 29, 2009 at 9:30 pm
Dear [U signed so!] stuffandnonsense,
Here’s a * is 4Your excellent points! It’s mostly starry, minus 2prickly bits.
FYI = am feeling mutuality+communion between U and Messr. RLAA! Heartstills, can this be a Match [not only 'cause U2 seem2share some anti-female itch]!
On prickly hand: [1] U “didn’t know the work existed”, regarding maintenance of cars! I can applaud Your Not-wanting 2do It, cause Hey! This girl refuses 2pump gas—No self-servicing. But, am knowing pump needs pumping [so2speak]!
Pumping onward, [2] U pose that “men aren’t into relationships”–sounds like apologetics for menfolk. Yes, men can be as good as can women! But, we ALL are “into” being loved, even cherished which requires doing Loving/Cherishing!
We know that. Also, being truly Blessed, we can feel that we deserve it–and rightly so when we do!
Sooo, men [and women] can’t help but indulge The Fact–like it or not–of being made 4being “into relationships”. Fought that battle–No less than any male. Lost battle; won priceless ‘stuff’!
Yes, Ms. stuffandnonsense, we ALL canB lazy about doing r’ship work. The laziness makes the beauty of IT prettier, whenever…whatever Work is done!
Happy Working, all Those Waters!
Comment from miss
Time August 12, 2009 at 7:46 am
I love men a lot of the time. However sometimes I can’t be bothered telling them whats wrong especially if we have split up. Let them work it out for themselves. Find one that’s already been taught.
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Time June 27, 2011 at 11:04 pm
[...] The person with the problem has to be the one to speak up. here. [...]
Comment from Selena
Time March 20, 2009 at 7:18 am
I found the generalities and vagueness in this letter to be confusing. I do better with specifics and I’m female. I might guess this woman’s past partners felt similarly.
When I hear a woman say”All men are…stupid, cowards, lazy, pigs, whatever” it usually traces back to one particular man or more than one, the woman doing the name calling was unhappy with. He wasn’t what she wanted him to be, therefore, he and his whole gender are “bad”. Easier to blame this on a chromosome than to look deeper and ask “Why is it I CHOSE this person?” Or persons plural, if there was a string of unsatisfying relationships.
Sometimes we get bound and determined to make someone “fit” us which becomes a struggle of trying to smash square pegs into round holes.
In the case of relationship laziness…it’s been my observation that those who are lazy in a relationship are the ones who really aren’t that into it. And if you’ve ever tried to make someone “really into you”, you know how frustrating that is. And it’s not a gender specific thing either.