When He Says You Could Do Better
Riley’s ex is something of a bad boy. No job. Bit of a partier (including the Devil’s Dandruff itself, cocaine.) He says all kinds of nice things, but then says that he thinks that SHE could do better. Is that ever the truth? I’ll answer in a minute. (Hint: The answer is no. Crap. That was way too easy a hint.)
so first the ex-boyfriend stats:
-got laid off and hasnt had job for almost year now
-takes care of sick family member and its tough on him
-has other family issues (dad leaving)
-parties a ton! (even coke)
Translation needed: says he loves me and cares about me and i am best thing that ever happened to him…but when it comes down to it he thinks i can do better because he has a lot going on and i deserve better than him..blah blah…and he knows i dont like the partying thing which was my only issue ever with him aka i never nagged him about a job, etc etc.
so..is this BS? or do guys really ever think someone is too good for them (at this time in life) and they would rather have the girl they love walk out instead of work hard on all their issues to keep the girl around?
thanks!!
Dear Riley,
In a word…not really. Ok, that’s two words. But that’s the gist of it. Let me explain with a little quiz:
What do the following break-up phrases all have in common?
- It’s not you, it’s me.
- You’re too good for me.
- I just think you could do better than me.
- I’m not a good boyfriend.
- I’m just not ready.
Aaaaand, go! (cue Jeopardy music.)
Ok, everybody put your number two pencils down. Ready for the answer?
ANSWER: They’re all nicer than the truth, which is the fact that he doesn’t want to date you.
Your guy says you can do better. Why does he say that? Well, it’s because he has no intention of BEING better. It’s like the, “Look, I’m just not a good boyfriend.” What that means is, “I have no plans to be a good boyfriend. I might even have plans to be a BAD one, so don’t expect me to change.”
WOULD HE LET THE GIRL HE LOVES WALK OUT THE DOOR?
The answer to that one is just as simple: Not if it’s the kind of love you want to be in business with. I mean, sure, an addict will let any number of people they love walk away from them to avoid giving up their habits. But you know, the truth is that however much they love those people…in that moment, they love their addiction more.
Now, I’m not saying your guy is an addict. Who knows about that? What I’m saying is, when a guy tells you that you could do better, TRUST THAT MAN. He is exactly right.
Good luck, Riley!
Ladies?? Ever known a man to really let the woman he loves walk out the door? Really?
Posted: March 27th, 2009 under Manslations Exposes, Reader Requests, Uncategorized.
Comments
Comment from MAUEEN
Time March 28, 2009 at 8:49 am
Dear Riley..Jeff is 100% on the money with this one. I have heard that guys will say ANYTHING to bypass the drama and avoid confronation about wanting to break up so he is giving you a softer(in his mind) version of “Look, i am giving you an out here so please take it as I am desparately trying to break up with you but don’t know how to do it in a way that is mature, honest and relativley painless for you”. I am sorry Riley, I know this hurts to hear but walk with this truth, go thru the door of acceptance keep walking to something better and don’t look back.
Comment from Bloomsbury Bell
Time March 28, 2009 at 3:10 pm
What I love about the “You could do better than me” and “You’re too good for me” lines is that, while the guy saying it is almost always just dishing out BS and knows it, he is actually telling you more truth than he will ever know.
Comment from mmagnolia
Time March 28, 2009 at 3:43 pm
Dear All, especially Ms. Riley–
Sometimes a cigar IS only a cigar, and a Duke of Windsor is off-chart!
Ms. R: Who! supports SirGalahad’s partying “a ton”….if He’s not working? Please…. let IT not be Thee!
Also: Didn’t read whether You “love” Him as He says re-U! If so, have U2 talked The Issue until mouths dried? If not, *why-not* seems a good question.
Maybe, Sir G is whistling dixie to spare Himself, but Ms. R should leave no tune unsung to learn what’s Real what!
Pertinent favorite of 89-year old Mom is that “Love is Love, treasure it”, sooo don’t be 2quick 2fly Coop.
Here’s own personal *limbo* re-TheMan o’Heart: I want every Best 4Him, which may not = Self. Dilemma wholly nonexists now, BUT have considered whether *Best* = departing Love [oops, Ma!]. My difference being angels2mend vs. demons festering or “issues” = Zero.
Sincere Walking = possible4woman, possible4man; gender vs. humanity!
Ms. Riley, at least, Ucan’t go wrong being His Friend, if Ulove. His wrongs really hurt Himself. Every GoodBlessing 2U2!
Comment from Melissa
Time March 30, 2009 at 4:02 pm
You ARE 2 good for this guy…he was totally telling you the truth.
I would take his statement at face value, and move toward the men who wouldn’t let you out of their sight for all the gold in Fort Knox.
Comment from Jody
Time April 1, 2009 at 10:20 pm
Has he actually asked you leave or tried to break up with you? Cos it sounds to me like he just wants some reassurance that you aren’t going to ditch him! I think it might be a gentle hint that he needs some ego stroking because you’ve got your life together while his is obviously a bit of a mess. Unless he really tries to leave, or cheats or does something unforgivable, I’d say he really still wants you around!
Comment from Ms.X
Time April 4, 2009 at 10:22 pm
Yes, sure ! Trust that man ! Jeff is soooo right, and he cant be more right-er !
I had one shout on my face that “I’m not too good ” phase, and oh boy, did I waste enough time thinking no one’s perfect, and he’s soooo feeling modest about his faults ?
Trust that man, trust any man who tells you, you could do better ! Say thanks, that was great advice, and bid good bye that minute ! 
Comment from Sabrina
Time April 22, 2009 at 9:15 pm
And I thought I was the ONLY one who has been told that! So it seems most men do have a clever script that ensures women stay right where men want them=HURT,CONFUSED AND WORRYING!
Comment from blubari
Time May 5, 2009 at 12:47 pm
Ms. X hit the nail. They confess they’re no good and we inexplicably give them brownie points for being modest, introspective, just wee little imperfect man-boys upon whom we can practice all our unconditional love and patience and transform into great partners with these amazing traits of ours.
They’re just announcing what you can expect from them if you stick around, so when you do it’s pretty much like signing a consent form.
Comment from Selena
Time March 27, 2009 at 7:04 am
“Ever known a man to really let the woman he loves walk out the door? Really?”
No.
Yes Riley, they would rather have the girl they love walk out instead of work hard on all their issues to keep the girl around.
This guy is telling you all you need to know about his intentions. Proceed accordingly.