I will be the first in line to congratulate you on doing the right thing.

You shared your honest feelings with someone who DESERVES to hear them.

You yourself said that he is Sweet and
Tender.

That there are NO conflicts.

He INCLUDES you in the important things in his life, his family.

And you are secure in his love for you.
(you said, “he is just rather lazy in love.”)

He also made a commitment by moving in with you.

You are indeed in a RELATIONSHIP with this man, not having the hallucination of being in one.

These are all indicitive of a man who obviously cares for you.

You KNOW where you stand, even if he’s not always demonstrative in the way you would like him to be.

All of this shows me that your situation is NOT the same as Grrr’s, whose boyfriend’s words belie his actions.

Big difference.

Ask Mac, who will always be the FIRST to tell you that when there’s incongruency between words and actions, follow the latter.

Best wishes to you!

Melissa

Now it makes sense! I’ve been worried about being sweet on him or initiating activities because of some ambiguous fear that he’d find that smothering. I thought there was something wrong with asking. I finally did the smart thing and finally flat-out asked him last night (what a concept!) if I was in fact smothering, and he said no, he loves all the affection and can’t get enough. Turns out that what I had been avoiding was the very thing I needed to do, and it’s a good thing to be honest and up-front about my desires.

So why is it that so many women (myself included) come to believe that they shouldn’t have to say anything? Why do we think that men only want passive participants in relationships for them to act upon? I sense the origins of this old myth lie in the Victorian mentality that women are supposed to be “pure” vessels, free of their own desires. I’m glad to see this straight-talk about relationships, to bring us all into the 21st Century. Keep up the good writing, manslations!

You are a very caring and thoughful soul – these qualities of yours ring as loud as a bell!

Thank you for the wonderful blessings. We just celebrated our anniversary on the first day of spring.

I agree with your statement that it can be hard to ‘re-train’ people in how to treat you. I had to let a long term friendship (22 years) go cos while I grew more more assertive about reinforcing my boundaries (never had problems doing that with men, but had a harder time doing that with girlfriends, go figure….) she became very resistant to me speaking my mind. I did speak with her about issues that bothered me, however, “she” never made mistakes…I was the one who “always took it the wrong way”. Nuff said, that’s not what Jeffs’ forum is for…this is just my long-winded way of saying that we’re on the same page.

And I want all of you wonderful ladies….. who have a ton of wonderful qualities to offer to DESERVING men to refuse to sell yourselves short.

Share the MOST PRECIOUS resources you have….that is, your HEART and TIME, with those who feel appreciative of receiving your feminine energy. Women on the whole don’t understand how feminine energy totally masculinizes men! They really are fed by it in many ways.

Ooops, there…I went and wrote a book again…I think I must not be capable of staying short & sweet.

Be good to yourselves,
Melissa

Oops…4Midnight haste!

Cheers 2Your Wonderful “21″, and…
…EverBlessed Anniversaries!

Short answer2: “Are you saying that adopting dignified behavior is at odds” is, of course, an Unqualified N-O!
Am Devoted 2theNotion that one should assume a virtue if one has it not!

MerciBouquets, Ms. Melissa, 4doing + sharing that *lookup*.

My point is+remains that dignity, by any definition, is a problematic *indignity* [1] when ‘adopted’ as mere ploy; OR [2] when a different mode of being would be a kinder mode 2offer an Other person.

My WholeHeart agrees on prizing and being prized. Ironic but, sometimes, The Beloveds [even family!] we strive to train re-Best Being… never graduate!

Lastly: Sharing what’s valuable Only with those who value valuables is a tricky ride!
Salute *Practice*, as our gallops allow!

You said, “Ideally, compassion, integrity, kindness, and even-diligence take the first seats.”

NOT disagreeing that these qualities are, indeed, highly prized among quality people.

There are many other qualities that are highly revered, as well.

I confess I’m confused, though.

Are you saying that adopting dignified behavior is at odds with the above qualities??

Perhaps it boils down to semantics, so just for fun, I looked up the dictionary.com version of the word, rather than soley inserting my definition:
dig?ni?ty? ?/?d?gn?ti/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [dig-ni-tee] Show IPA
–noun, plural -ties.
1. bearing, conduct, or speech indicative of self-respect or appreciation of the formality or gravity of an occasion or situation.
2. nobility or elevation of character; worthiness: dignity of sentiments.
3. elevated rank, office, station, etc.
4. relative standing; rank.
5. a sign or token of respect: an impertinent question unworthy of the dignity of an answer.
6. Archaic. a. person of high rank or title.
b. such persons collectively.

Having had quite a few men in my life who have treated me well – boyfriends, male friends, and most importantly…hubby of 21 years, I think I am qualified to offer my comments on this subject.

After all, we train people how to treat us.

Men are quick to open up to women they value, and reveal what they pride in their ladies. One thing I’ve heard over and over from the ‘stronger’ sex…they prize women who prize themselves…not from a position of being conceited, or above everyone else, rather refusing to put up with men’s BS, and quickly cutting ties with those who clearly don’t deserve them.

I’ve made a practice of sharing my feelings only with those who value them.
Clearly, Grrr’s boyfriend does not. Or if he does, he’s sure hiding it very well.

These are MY thoughts, and I appreciate you sharing yours.

All my best,
Melissa

Suspicious hearing of ‘dignity’ in women…..via menfolk. Easy 2grasp how *dignity* in a partner can ensure absence of foul temper [we know many menfolk like2avoid that!] but, sometimes, indignity masquerades as dignity!

On the “shoe” metaphor: Gotta test the whole foot 2find the shoe which fits; Same difference w/feelings in R’ships.

Got feelings + share ‘em = quickest path 2know [IF...one really wants 2know] if Messr. Prince = NearMiss or NearMate!

N-e-v-e-r is *honesty* a “dumb move”, and never at an unfruitful moment. Think about deathbed wishes!
Honesty is a perennial, 2one’s Self!

Well: Open hearts; Sharpen senses!