Why Does Her Ex Want to Visit Her?
A reader named Jane has a question that is so brief, it would be ludicrous of me to do anything but just let you read the damn thang. I’ve already written twice as much as she did.
My ex and I broke up, because of distance. he wants to visit me? why?
Dear Jane,
Ok, why might a man want to visit you after you and he JUST broke up because you aren’t living in the same place. I can think of two reasons.
1. OH COME ON, USE YOUR IMAGINATION
No idea? Really? I’ll give you a hint, in the form of a question: Is there any correlation between:
a.)…the place he wants to visit, and
b.)…the location at which you are currently storing your vagina?
What’s that you say? They’re the same place? Hm. Probably a coincidence.
But is that all there is? Probably not.
2. BREAKING UP OVER DISTANCE IS THE BRAIN TALKIN’
And the brain ain’t the only one invited to the party. He misses you, Jane. It may be just that simple. When you break up over the issue of distance, it doesn’t necessarily mean that people stop feeling things. Could be the opposite — when one of you lives at point A and the other at point B, while feeling X…it can be difficult, right?
But that doesn’t mean he stopped feeling…well, anything. It just means that you two made a decision — a decision that maybe wasn’t fully ratified by his heart. Or by his crotch, as we discussed first. Could be that he just misses how YOU feel about HIM.
SO DOES THIS MEAN HE WANTS YOU BACK?
Mm…we have NO IDEA at this point. None. Here’s a good place to use the Two Big Manslations Questions. As in, might he think that his behavior:
- …will get him laid.
- …will get him more NON-sex time with you.
Right now, from what you’ve told me, the answer could be one, the other, or both. We just flat do not know. If the answer is yes to both, well, that likely means that he’s not over you. If the answer is only yes to #1, you know what that means. And if only #2 is yes…well, that’s probably not what’s happening here.
Good luck, Jane. If your question is, “What are his intentions,” you’re not going to know until you see some more of his behavior. And at long distance, well, it’s tough to get any more than words.
Ever had an ex want to visit from afar? What was the deal with him?
Posted: April 8th, 2009 under Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from Terry
Time April 8, 2009 at 3:14 pm
Thanks for the biggest laugh of the day, Jeff.
I agree; she’s not going to know what he wants until he shows her. In the meantime, she should decide what SHE wants, so she can figure out whether he’s the guy who can provide it.
Comment from LA Lady
Time April 8, 2009 at 10:35 pm
I spent a year in Manhattan once and an ex decided that he just had to visit. I wasn’t interested in resuming the romantic relationship, but was happy to spend “friend” time with him. I invited one of my co-workers along on our outing just to keep everything on the up and up.
Jane just needs to decide if she wants to continue the romantic relationship or not. Whatever she decides should be clearly communicated to the ex and then knowing the ground rules he can decide if he wants to make the trip or not.
Comment from strawhat
Time April 9, 2009 at 2:38 pm
if he has said nothing else i say there is nothing else,just a visit that will be over soon
Comment from Jewel
Time April 9, 2009 at 5:47 pm
Oh Gosh….. when in doubt ask.Ask him why he wants to see you.I mean what’s the point?You just broke up it doesnt make any sense and for whatever reason you broke up, seeing each other shortly after is not a great idea.So bluntly ask him and if he is not straight forward about it then you will know how to proceed
Comment from layla
Time May 2, 2009 at 10:20 pm
hi Jeff and ladies. this is my first comment!
yesterday ex invited me for lunch after a month of separation. we parted because he couldn’t give me the commitment i wanted. i was anxious to know what he had to say or why he wanted to see me. when i asked, he said he wanted to see how i’ve been doing…i was like, huh? that’s it…?
i could sense he still cares very much for me but i guess he is not interested in investing to better the relationship…
Jeff, what say you?
Comment from mmagnolia
Time May 2, 2009 at 11:21 pm
Dears layla + Jane,
Dears LA Lady & Jewel cover the waterfront: 1st, Best 2know what U want; 2nd, A-S-K Him what He wants. Seems a perfect r’ship itinerary!
Cooler! if Ms. layla had feasted here before feasting w/’ex’.
But……now we’re all nourished!
It’s wry that insight is clearest when dilemma is secondhand.
Heaven’s version of *lol*, maybe!
Comment from Selena
Time May 3, 2009 at 6:42 am
Layla,
Sometimes the simplest answer is the correct one. After a month’s separation he missed you. After a month’s separation maybe he was hoping you’d let him visit your vagina. But since he did not offer you the committment you wanted, you can be sure that wasn’t the reason.
Unless you can do “the just friends” thing with him, you are better off declining any further invitations to meet with him.
Comment from New York furniture restoration
Time June 19, 2011 at 12:55 am
My brother recommended I may like this web site. He was entirely right. This publish actually made my day. You cann’t imagine just how so much time I had spent for this information! Thank you!
Comment from mmagnolia
Time June 20, 2011 at 9:41 pm
Welcome2Camp,
mr/ms “New York furniture restoration”!
Here’s a footnote on *knowing what One wants: It’s equally sweet2know what One does NOT want!
We can’t always get what we want.
A fine part of *wanting* is that we can ensure that we DON’T get what we don’t want. That assurance is a gift we can give 2us that keeps givingGood back 2us!
Strolling here can broaden Smiles o’Mind!
(…Be Blessed, Prof. JM!…)
Comment from Selena
Time April 8, 2009 at 7:18 am
Thanks for the great laugh this morning Jeff! I wish you’d go back to writing everyday.
I had an ex come visit me from afar, but we were in tentative negotiations of me moving back to his vicinity at the time. Didn’t happen, but that’s another story.
In Jane’s case, why the analysis? He wants to visit her – probably all of her not just her vagina. But that doesn’t mean he wants to move to be with her, or that he wants an exclusive, albeit, long distance relationship with her. He wants to visit. Why not? Why read more into it than that? Only a problem if it will mess up her letting go process…if that’s what she’s going through.