When He Tells You You’re Trouble
Michalene’s sometime guy is telling her some strange things. Look at that tiny little bit of pink text — what am I going to do, summarize it? No. No I am not. Let’s just go ahead and read it before we even get started, shall we?
hi jeff, i have this guy i really like he always says i have a boyfriend or some guy that always comes over. for one thing i dont have a boyfriend or anyone else. he did spend the night. when he left he said i was trouble what the heck is he trying to say ?
Dear Michalene,
Well, I regret to inform you that this guy is attempting to bail out on you. At least in terms of being a real boyfriend. Why do I say that? Let’s break down what he said. (Metaphorically, though. We won’t need to literally break anything.)
YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND
IN OTHER WORDS: Oh golly, you know you don’t even want ME. He’s trying to basically tell you why you’re not even AVAILABLE to date him. This lets him off the hook. I mean…how can he date you when you’ve always got “this guy” coming around. Doesn’t matter that it’s not really “true.” He’s hoping that…well, I’ll tell you what he’s hoping in a minute.
YOU’RE TROUBLE
IN OTHER WORDS: You’re too wild and bad assed for lil’ ol’ me to handle. Same story. He’s basically saying that you’re such a total bad ass, he be INSANE to date you. But in a joking, almost complimentary way.
What does all this add up to?
THESE AREN’T THE DROIDS YOU’RE LOOKING FOR
That’s right, we’re back for another round of the Non-Boyfriend Jedi Mind Trick. What he’s hoping to do is to convince you to ignore the fact that he’s not interested in dating you by saying that YOU aren’t interested in HIM.
This is yet another in a long, long line of things that guys say that flatter you while they are bailing out. In a way, their common ancestor is, “It’s not you, it’s me.” Basically trying to tell you, “Look, the problem isn’t that I don’t like YOU. The problem is something ELSE, otherwise I’d be right in there.”
Sorry for the bad news, Michalene, but that’s my guess for the moment.
What do you think this guy’s talking about, miladies?
Posted: April 17th, 2009 under Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from Pam
Time April 18, 2009 at 7:02 am
Pretty much this dude is full of it. He doesnt want a relationship because if he did he wouldnt be saying things like that. I can understan if he says it in a joking way but if he says the same thing over and over that would get on my nerves.
Comment from cc
Time April 20, 2009 at 2:50 am
that said, a wry “you’re trouble” statement from a boy alone can often mean “holy mcshit i can feel myself liking you and woah…” (etc.) which can be just as useless but not necessarily.
the boyfriend thing is weird though.
Comment from Selena
Time April 25, 2009 at 8:08 am
When I’ve been on the receiving end of the “you’re trouble” line it was always the guy’s indirect way of saying he was attracted to me. Coy really, not an ominous predictor of anything.
As far as this guy mentioning your allegded bf, or guy who comes over? It could be his way of giving himself an out to not pursue a relationship with you, but it could also be his way of ascertaining that you AREN’t involved with anyone else. That is, he’s trying to feel you out about how interested you might be in him before proceeding toward a relationship with you. Could go either way, only time will tell.
If this guy is young he may not have learned how to be direct with women and his intentions yet.
Comment from blubari
Time May 5, 2009 at 12:15 pm
If a guy called me “trouble,” after sleeping with me, even jokingly, I would intuitively feel they were pre-emptively explaining the distance they were about to insert into things while playing like they (wink wink) just can’t handle their feelings for you. (And we fall for it).
Comment from Ali
Time April 17, 2009 at 9:47 pm
Wow! I’ve had a guy said i was trouble before too. I responded with the same “compliment” and we had/have our fun. This is the typical “you are too good for me” excuse which allows them to get some booty w/o the commitment. I always take it as a compliment, enjoy it while it lasts and then move on. That’s if, and only if, you just want a casual/no strings attached relationship. Now if you are looking for something serious then take that comment as a huge red flag and get the hell out of there!