Comments on: Is this a Rebound? Is there a “too soon”?

By: mmagnolia

mmagnolia — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 04:09:48 +0000

Dear Maueen + All,

“….if its the right person, the time is always right”… sounds nifty+good.

But, when *timing* [which is a goodly part of nearly everything] is wrong, that can make a *person* simply untimely, rather than merely… wrong!
On !that, have some intimacy.

Moral is…notice the clocks!

By: LK

LK — Tue, 28 Apr 2009 10:42:12 +0000

Hi Nancy – you know when you are rebound girl when he doesn’t shut up about the ex. So far, it doesn’t sound like he has gone there. That is encouraging. Like JM says, no games and be cautiously optimistic.

But guys on the rebound are pretty easy to spot. Women are too, I suppose.

By: Heather

Heather — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 15:50:41 +0000

@Laura, I really don’t see the typo. I think a low-drama relationship is something they will both appreciate . @Nancy, have fun, sounds wonderful!

By: Ali

Ali — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 15:12:09 +0000

Nancy,
It could be that he is also applying the “cautious optimism” w/you too. Listen up for details as why the LTR ended. Maybe it ended in bad terms and he is ready to move on. Even though guys seems to have a more practical, simple approach to starting/ending a relationship, I’m sure they have doubts and concerns on new relationships. I would take it day by day, enjoy each day together. Life is too short to live on a pre-established, pre-conceived idea of how,when or where a relationship should start.

By: Jewel

Jewel — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 14:00:41 +0000

I think that this a great example of the fact that we should not generalise.If there is anything I have learnt it is that everyone is different and there are exceptions. Take it for what it is and be cautious and let the cards play out.I have been where you are and I know its an odd spot to be in but for what its worth enjoy it and take it a day at a time:)Good luck..I woud live to know where this is at 6months from now.A follow up story woudl be awesome

By: Selena

Selena — Sat, 25 Apr 2009 03:30:06 +0000

Well Nancy, you seem to be looking for a “rule of thumb” and I don’t believe there is one. You just met. You don’t really know each other yet. Either or both of you may find you’re just not that into each other in the coming weeks/months – or quite the opposite! If this guy had a LTR breakup 6 mos., a year ago you would still be in the “see how it goes” place every relationship starts out in. By worrying about *rebound* I think you’re putting too much pressure on this not-yet-a-relationship. Stop. If it is going to develop it will.

That said, I’d go with Jeff’s “cautious optimism” and keep your eyes and particularly your ears open. Sometimes you can get alot of clues as to how over an ex a person is by listening to what they say about them. Are they still in contact, if so, to what extent? It’s always possible that they “aren’t done yet”, but there is no way to predict that without getting to know this guy better – and longer. And really what is the alternative? Refusing to date him until the relationship has been over an arbitrary amount of time? Nah.

By: Laura

Laura — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 20:51:13 +0000

HE’LL APPRECIATE YOU FOR THAT.
(Sorry for typo)

By: Laura

Laura — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 20:49:34 +0000

My b/f of 9 months dated me about 4 months after his ‘dream girl’ left him. She moved out of state w/ the intention he was moving shortly thereafter. She then broke it off. Broke his heart. He was planning on marrying her.
Well, like Jeff says, he started dating me but stated blatantly he didn’t want any drama or games. Become friends as well. Because of that, we have lasted 9 months, but even better, he realizes that what they had wasn’t what he thought it was. His break up made him realize how cool our relationship is. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I got a great friend as well as b/f.
Hang in there. Take it day by day, enjoy it. Learn from it. Don’t jump to any conclusions and keep drama at bay. You’ll appreciate you for that.
Thanks Jeff for your site. Helped me many times when I wanted to “pull drama”

By: MAUEEN

MAUEEN — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 15:15:20 +0000

as you said, if its the right person, the time is always right. Always. I am very happy for you, Nancy and for him too.

By: Sassy

Sassy — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 12:36:19 +0000

My wonderful BF of 14 months started dating me very shortly (1 month?) after he broke up with his last girlfriend. We had been friends in the same social circle and I had known him casually for about 8 months.

He always says that he had to date the other girl before to appreciate the girl he now has. So it actually can help your relationship to date soon after a break up if everyone’s heart is more or less intact and everyone’s head is on straight.

Good luck!