Any Good Reasons for an Interested, Available Man to Hold Off?
A reader going by the name “sarabella this moment” wants to know if there are any good reasons for an interested, available man to avoid a similarly attributed woman? There might be, S_T_M, there might be. Let’s see…
yes–am a longtime faithful, reading lurker. am undercover, so call me “sarabella this moment”.
if question belongs in your basket of 99.999999% he’s not interested, be gentle, am springy but elderly.
I hope to one day be described with both of these adjectives. Pasty and flabby just aren’t cutting it for me these days.
Can there be a good reason that a darling [take my word] prince would avoid an equally darling [tmw, again] princess if he’s both interested & available?? ….and, does a man need to be reminded that a woman is AtoZ keen about him?? maybe, if my guy needs a wakeup–that’s answer, huh.
no super rush. everyday am getting younger, okay to hurry. thanks…
Dear SarabellaThisMoment,
Ok, you’ve got a couple of questions here, and they’re linked. Let’s see what the big bag o’ manslations has in store for you today. (Oh there’s a bag, people. Burlap. Massive. Goes with anything. You’d love it.)
ANY GOOD REASON FOR HIM TO AVOID?
I can think of two.
- Doesn’t know that YOU are interested.
- Thinks that it would be too complicated and doesn’t want to mess anything up.
And you know what? Number two shouldn’t really be a factor because it doesn’t happen if a guy REALLY likes you. I mean, if a guy likes you, he might try to tell himself any number of reasons to avoid you, but that part of our brain? Yeah, we don’t take orders from that guy. He’s like the police chief in a Police Academy movie. The more rules he sets, the more Mahoney’s gonna sneak out and break them after curfew.
Ahem. Sorry about that. I…I don’t know what to say. I apologize.
SO IT’S REASON NUMBER ONE THEN?
Well, hold on. That is a possible — possible – explanation for an INTERESTED man to avoid the object of his interest. Now, we’re taking your word for it that he IS interested. I don’t know that for sure. But if he is, well, it’s not necessarily the most common reason to find a man avoiding a woman, but it does happen.
QUESTION PART DEUX: DOES A MAN NEED REMINDIN’?
Not all men do, but I’ll tell you which ones definitely do: yep — the guys who could be described in Number One above. If a guy isn’t sure that you like him, particularly a shy guy, he might just hang back, hoping that something really specific and obvious happens. Like, you know, if a cross country bus with “That Girl Likes You” painted on it were to hit him in the groin.
MANSLATOR’S NOTE: Seriously, you would be stunned at often that does NOT happen. Stunned, I says.
That’s where you come in, SarabellaThisMoment. Doesn’t have to be anything wild or bus-like. Nothing crazy. An invitation to coffee for absolutely no particular reason, some light flirting, that oughtta do it.
Now, again, we haven’t seen any evidence of anything just yet, so I can’t tell you that this IS the situation. But you asked if there COULD be a reason for an interested man to hang back. If there is, I’d say this is it. In fact…I think I just DID say that. Cool, huh? And if you do ask him to something chill and he turns you down for no good reason, well, there’s your answer without too much embarrassment.
Good luck, STM!
What do you know about this miladies? Any good reasons for him to hang back?
Posted: April 29th, 2009 under Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from Mikey-Bones
Time April 30, 2009 at 8:42 pm
erm…excuse me… uh, but could i aks miss stm a question?
How do you know him? Is it work? Cuz if a guy makes a pass a a girl at work cuz he thinks she might maybe like him sum….hm… risky move in today’s society…
but, if you think you want him, go grab his burlap sack and see what’s in it.
Comment from Sassy
Time May 1, 2009 at 7:21 am
Once met a guy who didn’t want to start anything because he was still processing a break-up from a long-term relationship.
I respected his space, became friends. A year after that, he approached me to try dating and it worked. Wonderfully!
Comment from Shelby
Time May 1, 2009 at 11:58 am
I agree with Selena, you may be mistaking interested for friendly. Seriously. MY fiance is nice to everyone and I can’t even count the times women have flirted with him overly so, when he was only being nice to them, that he comes over to me and literally hides or says very loudly, “Would my FIANCE like anything to eat? Can I get you anything, hon?” (This is all while he’s playing sax in his band at gigs.) His behavior comes off as flirting but he’s just being nice and answering their music requests, etc. I see this happen to my fiance AND all of his friends. Maybe they only play at the ‘Desperate Cougar’ gigs and it’s all the womens’ fault but I see this too often. Drives me up the wall. If it’s at work, he may be afraid to get in trouble. My fiance used to tell me horror stories about his friends who complimented women and they were written up for it as sexual harassment!? (This was at a seemilgly normal insurance adjusting company.) People are weird and your guy may really, truly be interested and be deathly afraid to ask for a date due to a fear of some reprisal from his workmates, etc. That said, Jeff is right to advise you to ask him for a light date–coffee, lunch, etc. He may be scared to make the first move due to the work situation and in this economy, it isn’t worth risking the job… Good luck!! Due to little information, it’s a hard one to crack but you will never know unless you simply break the ice and ask 
Comment from strawhat
Time May 2, 2009 at 5:23 pm
he may just be scared to approach you
i have noticed that men these day’s are not like they used to be,they don’t approach women like they used to,could be the fear of a woman screaming rape etc
once upon a time you could be having a coffee somewhere and if a man was interested he would come up to you and say mind if i join you? , seems today they mostly look you know they are interested you know you are but nothing happens because of this fear that you may not like it
so i would suggest you ask him out for a coffee or a drink so he can be sure he is doing the right thing
Comment from mmagnolia
Time May 3, 2009 at 2:37 pm
All Dears–specially Ms. sarabella,
Slightly smiling, let’s sing w/Prof JM [he's head of class 4good reason!]: “..it doesn’t happen if a guy REALLY likes you. I mean, if a guy likes you…”
Golly! 4this Pink & Blue Girl, it would be hard [no pun!] 2get sharper than that, Unless…there’s discount for shyness.
Makes IT complex 4the simple hearted.
Thx, Evolution–but men are posed2B bountiful testosterone resevoirs. Let us women be women–different, not less!
ALSO: *availableness* should always play 1st-fiddle to *interestedness*!
Never! leave any crown unturned [sounding like convert...cause y'am!]. Use anyWay 2learn true “availableness”.
Later…wonder w-h-y that needed doing!
Yep…sarabellaDear, U can love+wish Him well ’til the cows forget road home! His
return = zero if The Prince is unavailable.
BHappy keeping Your Crown polished!
Comment from sarabella
Time May 7, 2009 at 10:53 pm
thanks, manslator, for airing my linen,
and…
thanks, commentors, for affirming some food of my thoughts.
…peace
Comment from sarabella
Time May 7, 2009 at 11:04 pm
sorrrry, ‘mikey-bones’… should have responded to your question.
intro contact was workplace phone inquiry initiated by me.
there’s no working near or alongside.
hope that satisfies as better late than never.
and thanks, also.
Comment from Selena
Time April 29, 2009 at 7:40 am
I can think of a few. Number one is you are mistaking “interested” for friendly. Happens alot, particularly if the guy has a flirtacious nature.
Others:
He’s gay.
He has an STD he doesn’t want to have to tell about and risk rejection.
He’s really ISN’T available and is hiding the relationship for some reason.
He’s very inexperienced when it comes to relationships and doesn’t quite know how to start one.
He could be he likes you, but there is some trait or situation you have that makes him think “eh…” about pursuing a relationship with you.
Unless you want to keep wondering forever, I think you will need to bite the bullet and follow Jeff’s advice about making the first real move. Good luck!