If it’s Just Booty, Why Do Guys Get Jealous?
Josie brings up an interesting one. Why does a guy flip out when you’re talking with another guy, when HE doesn’t even want to date you? Does he think you’re his property? Well, not exactly, no. But…I don’t know if the real reason’s a TON better, though. Let’s get the full question, and move on.
Here’s a question i’ve been wondering for awhile now. It doesn’t pertain to any specific guy. I’ve been in situations(my friends have too) where i’m dating a guy. Well I don’t know if I would call it dating if it’s just mostly having sex and hanging out. Anyways…and I know they’re not interested in a relationship…just mostly sex. So there’s no commitment in it whatsoever. So why when they see or know that we’re talking/flirting to other guys they get jealous. They don’t like it at all. Is this some ‘you’re our property’ thing? If they obviously don’t want to be with us past the sex thing, then why would they care if we see other guys?
thanks! and i love your website =)
Dear Josie,
I’m not sure that it’s about him “owning” you as property. I mean, some guys are like that, but that’s less likely to be a booty call guy. That’s more of a stalkery, “no one can have you but me” guy, which doesn’t sound like what you’re talking about.
So what is it? Why would an uninterested guy want to keep you all to himself? There’s a couple of factors, I think.
FACTOR ONE: COMPETITION
As a very, VERY broad generalization, dudes like to be better at other dudes at…well…anything. Or at least we like to try with SOME stuff. And if we aren’t better at any other dudes at anything, we try to be the best at NOT being better at that stuff.
It’s like goats smashing their heads together. I’m sure that’s not because goats like the feeling of smashing their heads together. Then again, I saw a goat eat a box of crayons one time, so it seems like their sense of “fun” might be a little different from mine.
The point is that garnering female attention, like anything else, is something with which some guys might keep score. And if he sees you flirting with another dude, well, he’s losing an assload of points right there.
FACTOR TWO: MALE FANTASY TIME
Here’s the thing. A lot of the whole “booty call” dynamic is a fantasy, right? I mean, it’s not much about the reality between the two of you. It’s about having a little dramatic, fun fling that lets him live out a fantasy for a little while, but without having to be held responsible for the reality of it, ok?
Well, the fantasy world involves you being nuts about him. You surrendering to him, and him alone. This isn’t even just with guys you’re actually WITH. Lots of times, guys get annoyed when ANY woman is paying attention to ANY man but him. It’s kind of a moment where somebody thinks, “What are you doing? Who are you talking to? I’m THE guy, ok?” Cuz in his head, he is.
Stupid, yes. Annoying? Possibly. But relatively harmless, I guess. I mean…if you’re not interested in HIM, why do you care, right?
Good luck, Josie! Thanks for the question.
Ever seen this one, ladies? Why do you think they’re getting all jealous?
Posted: May 4th, 2009 under Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from Josie
Time May 4, 2009 at 12:52 pm
exactly! that’s why I wondered why they get jealous because it makes us think ‘maybe he likes me??’ We try not to play games…..but we realize that most of the time they’re playing games with us. grrr!
Comment from Jen G. the Supreme
Time May 4, 2009 at 4:39 pm
Actually, they just don’t like anyone being out doing them….so its not always about the “girl” its about …not letting some other guy win.
Comment from C
Time May 4, 2009 at 8:07 pm
I had this situation last year.
My ‘BC’ guy (who I became very good friends with which one could have mistaken for a relationship) used to get ridiculously jealous, which I never understood and made me overanalyse the situation.
I confronted him about it. He replied “Yes, YOU are taken. ME on the other hand…” – spoken in a very ‘player’ tone. That statement alone should answer any questions you have!
Comment from Selena
Time May 5, 2009 at 6:14 am
I can understand how if a booty call acted jealously you might mistake it for him feeling more. But so what? If he really is just a bc to YOU why would you bother analyzing/over-analyzing his jealous comments?
Unless you wanted more than a bc relationship with him and were pretending otherwise.
Comment from Jenny
Time May 24, 2009 at 11:16 am
I am dealing with a guy who likes to call himself my “maintenance man” So a couple of days ago, he calls and says he wants to “come over and just hang out” So just incase I made myself ready to boink. I answered the door wearing a T-shirt and a smile. We sat together, and talked like he wanted. Then when it was time for him to go, we kissed then his hands tried to do a little exploring, but I kept to his word and let him out without ANY booty. He called me the next day and the next after that. (I think he was pissing on the tree here) Then when I was going out to meet a gf of mine from school, he asked what we were gonna do. I said we were gonna see movie and have dinner. He asked who this friend was and what time I was gonna be back and to call him when I got in. So now that made me backtrack and start analyzing crap. I think he does like to check that no one is out goating him. Well screw this! I’m gonna just act like Samantha from SITC. BRING IT ON!! Two (or even three) can play THAT game!
Comment from Mandi
Time August 26, 2010 at 10:32 pm
I was having a fling with a guy who I wound up liking A LOT.. And I told my best friend about it.. She knew the guy and told him what I told her… This guy and I are both newly divorced so neither one of us want the whole world to know about it… So he freaked out about it.. And ended it… Later on I showed up at a dance with a guy friend of mine… And partied it up hard core! And my ex fling also wound up at the same place… Later on he texted me to let me know that HE knew I was trying to make him jealous… Which I wasn’t… And that it didn’t work… He said he only noticed because my cousin pointed it out… But my cousin doesn’t even know what happened between myself and my ex fling… So I’m REALLY confused… What does it all mean?
Comment from Ali
Time May 4, 2009 at 12:16 pm
I hate it whe JM is right… hate it! Guys can be sooo selfish sometimes. They want all the attention to themselves. Many times we (women) allow them this selfishness by playing their game. If it’s a booty call, then you have all the right to be with other guys (it’s right there written in black & white in the Booty Call manual, there is a manual people, just ask Jeff). Getting jealous is not part of the game because then we (us girls again) overanalyze everything and start making stories in our little heads that he’s having feelings for us when in reality he is only doing the “goat head banging”.