manslations

Ok, we’re rounding out “Booty Week” evidently, so here goes. Now, when a reader decides to cross-reference between posts, well, I know she’s been reading, cataloging, and she might just have multicolored post-its as a part of her process. And that speaks to me.

However, in my post on guys getting dumped and feeling like absolute hell (linked by Ange below!) Ange didn’t get the part of the answer she needed. Why is it that when a guy gets dumped or breaks up, he tries to stick that thing anyplace it’ll go? Why all the sex? What is he trying to do? I have some ideas. About this, I’m saying. Of course I have just “some ideas.” Everybody has those. I have an idea about how cashiers should give you back your change first, and THEN the bills, and NOT put the change on TOP of the bills where you then have to shuffle it around to get to the…sigh…oh, what’s the use? Let’s just get on with the Manslations, shall we?

Hi Jeff,

Your site continues to be excellent, and your Manslations, while reduced in quantity, are still great in quality.

My question is why, after a break-up, guys sometimes have sex with anything within a 100-mile radius.

You have touched on this briefly (http://manslations.com/2007/12/19/do-men-get-heartbroken/ ), and explained that just because a guy is out doing anyone he can, it doesn’t necessarily mean that his previous relationship meant nothing.

So… what DOES it mean?  What is a guy trying to accomplish by such prolific pounding?  (In my current situation, the guy is the dumpee – so it shouldn’t really matter to me what he’s getting up to, but it is kind of like…  ”Hmm.
Maybe he’s upset and trying to distract/validate himself, or maybe I dodged something that was simply a heat-seeking missile.”)

Cheers!
Ange

Dear Ange,

Ok, full disclosure: Much to my eternal shame, I’m not much of an “everything that moves” kind of guy. I was just never that great at the whole womanizing thing. I would always end up feeling guilty and weird and lonely. And for this, I’m a little embarrassed. I mean…it’s just not very James Bond, is it? (Heh. As if but ONLY for that I’d be a dead ringer for him, right?)

Now, that said, the post-breakup humpfest is a well-known effect. What is it? Couple-a things, I think.

INDULGENCE MAKES THE HEART SHUT THE HELL UP

When you’re stressed, depressed, freaked out, or whatever other kind of weirdness you’ve got going, why do you end up eating a giant thing of ice cream? Or not eating at all? Or exercising a whole lot or a whole little? Or sleeping a lot? You’re trying to overwhelm your senses so you can’t really pay attention to what’s really going on. And you do whatever you’re good at. I’m sure that heartbroken tapdancers tap their brains out when they get dumped. I’m sure that garbage-collecting apartment superintendents collect WAY more garbage to store in their apartment on the ground floor of my building. I’m sure of it.

If sex is available when you’re feeling like 10 pounds of dung in a 5 pound dung bag, it’s a great way to inundate your senses with drama and wildness for a little while.

SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED A WIN

And sex is definitely a win. A conquest. Anything that makes you feel a little bit less like a LOSER is great. When you’ve just been dumped, sex has the added benefit of giving you the exact thing that you just were a loser at — keeping a woman’s attention.

FA SHOW

Some guys need to show that they’re fine. This would only really make sense if it was in public in an area where he’s known. Or where at least YOU can see him. “See?! I’m doin’ GREAT! I’m just lovin’ life over here! Hello?” Otherwise, why go through all the effort. Oh yeah…

SEX IS FUN

As I said, I’m not great at the one-night-stand thing. But there’s no denying that the actual sex part sure is fun. And if you’re feeling a little low, why not feel better whilst naked? No reason, says I. No reason at all.

Anyway, Ange, those are just a few of the reasons. I think it’s likely a combo of them all. But it sure ain’t because he doesn’t (or didn’t) care. Likely just the opposite.

What do YOU think it means when a guy is boning all the world after a breakup?