Comments on: Do Men Like THIS ever Change Their Minds?

By: mmagnolia

mmagnolia — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 04:06:02 +0000

Dear chief-nun,
…what’s w/all these “earrings”! Replaceable Rknot [that's a pearl pun!]!

Nothing = All-bad! Be kind2U…don’t waste magic on “bitter” biz or returning His bad favors! That’s a waste o’time…and o’Thee!
Yep, ez in theory! So, just do as The Bard sez: Assume a virtue if Uhave not. Act Beloved; Act Healed!
Aha…B4U know it–Uwill be!
Worse = Done! Future = WhoseNose?

Have YourOwn Heart; practice A Prance!

By: chief-nun

chief-nun — Thu, 18 Jun 2009 00:08:36 +0000

this is probably THE best post i’ve read cause yes in the exact same situation. its been exactly twelve days and he also has my earrings but content i promise u it gets better wt everyday. u think about all the time of yours he wasted, the really small stuff he couldn’t compromise seeing how beautiful u r, how much ur friends love and want whats best for u and suddenly that msg to him isn’t as important. he disregarded ur feelings, disregard his and i know it sounds bitter but seven months to mislead someone knowingly is just cruel! keep at it! so worth it get a friend to fetch those clothes

By: To The Convent I Go

To The Convent I Go — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 14:16:19 +0000

Thanks everyone, I have made it one week without contact. I have to say it is not easy! I keep thinking of lame reasons why I should, but I am trying to hold strong. All your comments have helped. Thanks

By: sarabella

sarabella — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 05:53:43 +0000

convent’s situation is similar enough to mine to ignore the differences.
apology, for my delayed empathy.

a nunnery (unthere, undone–but familiar) is not an answer, convent. you might miss meeting someone who could be close-enough to being the *one* .
lol—if he’s a monk, already.

convent showed progress in her wisdom to break up with him after really realizing they have different plans. at least, he’s consistent under jeff’s advise about words and actions. maybe convent’s best model is to do as he did..practice her own consistent plan.

a wise writer suggested that great temptations demand great courage to yield to them. sometimes, yielding can be more difficult than resisting.
for convent’s situation, yielding to contact him or to make a nunnery-run don’t seem to be her longterm best. timing could help. youth/youthfulness lend extra time to re-do, re-create.

but also, some non-sexual dating (any with a pulse, within reason) could remind convent of his word in his actions.

wish you peaceful good fortune, convent.

By: C

Mon, 01 Jun 2009 01:14:15 +0000

I think X’s comment is the most important one here: “Please, please dont settle for less and block access to a wonderful guy who might be dying to marry a great woman like you !”

We all make so many excuses for men…and the bottom line is that there IS someone wonderful out there for all of us. They just often take a super duper long time to find and we get totally sidetracked by loser time-wasters in the meantime. Sucks.

By: X

Sun, 31 May 2009 21:36:09 +0000

Jeff,

As always, the best metaphor I’ve ever heard, is from you !

To the convent I go :

When I want to break off a relationship, I’d tell the guy, I’d appreciate if he could send me my stuff via post ( better than handing it over to a friend, as he could smooth talk my friend , and she could carry it over to me, and he could always approach that friend and all that non-sense).

One guy would just delay, acting as if he sent it, and emailing whether I got it or waiting till I email him to remind again ! Just a mind game to keep contact ! But we lived in different cities and it didnt make sense to me, to meet him for the stuff !

If you lived in the same place, take a male friend or a male colleague along with you, as the postal package thing might extend for long, if he doesnt want to lose the “convenience”.

You may go with a friend and her date/finace,husband … ( its imp to have a guy with you ) makes him back off a bit, as you could tell him, you got a ride from your friends, as you didnt feel like driving etc !

So your friends on your way can support you to stay strong and it’ll be over in just a few minutes !

Please, please dont settle for less and block access to a wonderful guy who might be dying to marry a great woman like you !

By: GoGirl

GoGirl — Sat, 30 May 2009 16:54:50 +0000

I wouldn’t see him. Let him sweat. Give him the space to be able to miss you. Send off a quick email saying you won’t be able to see him afterall, so could he send the stuff to you in a post pak. If it is too big to send ( like a wardrobe..lol) ask him to let you know when would be a convenient time to have a friend collect it for you.
You are starting to get responses from him because you are finally setting some personal boundaries with him. Everyone wants to be with someone they can respect, not someone who will take being treated poorly. Finally you are demanding to be respected..I call this having the Emotional Smarts. Now that you have found them..don’t lose them again. Best of luck .

By: LK

LK — Fri, 29 May 2009 21:21:19 +0000

This sort of happened to me, albeit 20 years later. Which makes me wonder, now, if he didn’t have feelings all along? He never admitted to it then, won’t admit to it now, but maybe I was the one he let get away. I certainly let that happen, being young and stupid and not confident enough to just ask “hey do you like me & us or what?” We just never talked about it (and, incidentally, the earlier part of the relationship was sans sex so it was an easy mistake to make).

Anyway, sitch remedied…we’re together now.

However, Convent, I think you are handling yourself in the best way possible. It’s nice to think that all bets off, you wanting to contact this guy but not doing it and writing your very heart-felt story here instead was a stroke of genius on your part. A solid, level-headed girl you are…not a convent candidate, but a girl who deserves a guy who does all the couple things ’cause you’re a couple with both wearing the title proudly!

All the best – and don’t get weak when he shows up with your stuff.

By: Selena

Selena — Fri, 29 May 2009 19:51:24 +0000

Oh Convent, I never meant to imply you did that! Just that I’ve heard of women doing this as a ploy to see a guy again. Given that you and this guy were seeing each other for 7 mos. it’s totally reasonable that you might have stuff at each other’s places that you might want back.

Good luck with staying strong. Sorry it didn’t work out for you. His loss.

By: To The Convent I Go

To The Convent I Go — Fri, 29 May 2009 18:50:38 +0000

Selena, If it had only been the earring I would have said to pitch it. Which is what I did with a pair of his shorts (thinking contact was over), but I had a couple other things there that I do want back. I did NOT leave them there on purpose, I promise. It sounds like a smooth trick, but at the time I was a bit too upset to come up with something sneaky like that. He is suppose to give them back, but this won’t be for a few weeks. He is away on business at the moment. Which probably works in my favor. More time without contact will hopefully help me be strong when I do have to face him.