Is this Delivery Man Looking to Drop Off a Package?
Maria has a delivery guy who she believes is interested. In her, I’m saying. Not just “generally interested in things.” Why would she write to me about that? Come on, people.
Anyway, she just wants the news — good, bad or indifferent. Is he, or isn’t he? And how can I tell?
Let’s take a look at the details, shall we? Sure, says I.
Hi Jeff, A devoted lurker and reader am I but you said keep it short so i won’t gush.
Hm. Hoisted on my own petard, there. When I wanted these things to be short, I didn’t realize that would cut down on the compliments, too. Eh, easy come, easy go.
Here is my question. A delivery guy has been coming into my place of work for the past year or so and always gave me lots of eye contact and smiles and now some conversation.
Ahh, the life of an itinerant deliverer. Uniform, spending time in the fresh air, and flirting with the ladies…
Nothing personal but not just short and “have a good day” type of stuff, always stops and asks how was your weekend. I do like him and asked him if he wanted to go out sometime back in March but he answered that he in the middle of a break up right now but maybe later..not sure what that means exactly or what to do but we still have very nice and comfortable flirtatious exchanges , clearly some chemistry there. Here are the facts. He is living with someone. He has a child from a previous union. He flirts with me and initiates contact. Please Jeff, tell me is he interested, a little interested, not at all or somewhere in between all of those things..Thank you, a million times, please please answer.
Dear Maria,
Yeah, you just learned one of the really clear manslations first hand, didn’t you?
When a guys says he’s “In the middle of a breakup,” he means…
Wait for it…
- I kinda sorta have a girlfriend. But only kinda sorta.
- I don’t want to say just, “No, I’m seeing someone,” so clearly I’m hoping to keep your interest
Short version: no commitment either way. Keeping the options open.
My take on this is that he’s flirting with you because it’s fun to flirt with you. NOT because he’s gunning to date you.
The truth is, he might not even be gunning to sleep with you.
HOLD ON, MAC. MANSLATA-WHA?
Yeah, I know. Mind-blowing, right? Well, get ready for one of the great truths of manslations:
There are two very different parts of the brain in charge of GETTING a phone number and DIALING a phone number.
As in, there’s a guy in our brain in charge of gauging, getting and keeping women interested in us. Which women? Well…which women have you got?
But even though it’s fun and flattering and exciting to flirt — and even more so to be flirted AT — that doesn’t have all that much to do with the OTHER guy in the brain, the one in charge of “doing something about it.”
VERDICT: CAUTIOUSLY PESSIMISTIC
You know, Maria, it’s possible he will one day drop to one knee and ask you to the Olive Garden for a ride on the unlimited breadstick express. Possible.
HOWEVER, right now, he’s giving little indication that he’s pining away for that day.
The day he comes in and asks YOU out is the day you’ll know. I mean, he clearly knows that you’re interested in HIM, so the only thing stopping him from asking you out is…he doesn’t want to do that.
Sorry about that, Maria. Honestly, I’d let it go. If he changes his tune, believe me, you’ll be the first to know.
What do you think, ladies? Is Maria the next stop on this guy’s route?
Posted: June 10th, 2009 under Reader Requests.
Comments
Comment from AnneZ
Time June 10, 2009 at 8:43 am
Unfortunately, the bad news is she’s just one stop on his route. I can easily picture it: he jauntily swaggers in, hefting packages in a lovely display of rippling muscles, broad shoulders filling out that uniform, a flash of smile, a twinkle in the eyes and a saucy word for you. Who wouldn’t fall for it? As Jeff says, who’ve you got? Every front desk gal on the route…..
It serves his business purposes (his boss gets great customer feedback on him) and it makes his work day fun.
Very sorry, Maria, I’m with Jeff and pessimistic about his interest level. That’s no reflection on you. You are probably cute as the dickens and good on you for taking a positive step by making the first move. You are an example to women (and men) everywhere.
On the other hand, I feel you need a bit of a talking to! “He’s living with someone.” Whoa Nellie! I don’t care how he glossed that over, just take it for exactly what it IS: he is living with SOMEONE!
He also has a child with someone else. I’m beginning to get a picture. I can imagine some choice excuses and blame shifting he’s done in regards to talking about the child’s mother and that whole situation. Fact is, it takes two to make a baby and they both know how to reach for a condom and a sponge and a tube of spermicide and as complete an arsenal against unplanned parenthood as they can fit into the nightstand. He knew the rules. Now he’s involved in yet another half-baked relationship.
Maria, listen to me carefully, this guy is not good enough for you.
He is not forthright with anybody. Please refocus on some other guy in your world who is probably worshiping you from afar right this very minute. That guy has his world in order but may have fewer muscles and way less clever lines. Put a little effort into finding him and you will be richly rewarded.
Now–a word to The Manslator. “Two different parts of the brain involved in getting a phone number and dialing it.” FANTASTIC insight! Thanks so much for sharing that tidbit! I just felt at least three worry wrinkles vanish from my face permanently!
Comment from X
Time June 10, 2009 at 4:11 pm
Jeff, You’re brilliance personified ! 
Amen to AnneZ …”Maria, listen to me carefully, this guy is not good enough for you.
He is not forthright with anybody.
” Very True ! I … err, read about these kinda jerks somewhere ! 
Comment from LK
Time June 10, 2009 at 5:55 pm
My first thought was that scene from Legally Blonde where the hairdresser does the “Snap” and bops the UPS guy in the face sending him flying!
Then again, that’s just in the Hollywood movies. Real UPS guys are just that, methinks. Especially the ones that are living with someone else.
Flirt, play, but don’t try and “Snap” him.
Comment from Lisa
Time June 10, 2009 at 6:45 pm
The more I read Jeff’s GREAT comments, the more I realize, that as soon as I ask my question, (as soon as I think of it, really), I already have the answer: If a guy wants to ask me out, he will. Period. My questioning is just a waste of mental and emotional energy. Granted, that is NOT nearly as entertaining as something Jeff would write, and his extra insight is wonderrful. But, as Dylan said, “when somethin’ ain’t right, it’s wrong.” Thanks, Jeff, for reminding me…
Comment from maria
Time June 11, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Thank you all so much, all of you as much as Jeff for throwing some honest but unpalatable (for me) light on this sit. I am a little sad about it, high hopes and all. So now a question to all of you, if you don’t mind, just to gratify my vanity, which could do with a tiny little boost(in a good way). Would he only be interested in keeping me as an option or a flirt opportunity if he found me attractive ..or, as Jeff put it, would any woman do? Especially the option part. Not that i want to just be anyone’s option but if he did not find me a even a little attractive would he not have said “No, I have a girlfriend ” and cut my advances off at the pass. Instead he is keeping me in his orbit albeit for his own satisfaction and ego boost, i realize that now. Anyway, I have along story behind why it would mean some thing to me to have this guy think i am attractive. I know you all won’t sugar coat for me.. Let the healing begin. Many many thanks to all of you. maria.
Comment from Selena
Time June 11, 2009 at 2:52 pm
Maria,
If he didn’t find you attractive don’t you think he would have just dropped off the packages with a “Have a nice day” rather than talking with you the way he has? Seems logical to me.
Can’t answer about the “option” part. Could be he would consider it if he broke up with his partner, or could be he is just one of those guys who enjoys flirting.
You need to stop giving this guy so much space in your head and get out there and actually date someone who is single.
Comment from abc
Time June 11, 2009 at 5:37 pm
Dear Maria,
Sure, he’d have found you attractive … but don’t you deserve more than … having to do anything with a man, who lives with a woman, and keeps women in orbit, albeit with those he finds attractive ?
Even once you get married, or have a bf, your bf/husband and you are still going to find attractive people on earth ! Would you flirt with them still ( ! ) , when you know they’ve feelings for you ? This clearly isn’t what a good bf/gf does ! It’s not fair to the person you’re continuing the flirting with, nor is it to the gf/bf involved, unless you only think about yourself and no one else’s feelings !
There are lot of good men out there, who will NEVER do this to any woman ! Not to the one they’re committed to, if they’re not happy with her, they’d rather break up and look for another … but not keep women in reserve, as if he’s the sun and women are planets created to revolve around him ! Clearly after an yr, he’s still with the woman and at the same time flirting heavily with you ! Why do you’ve to think so much about him, while he goes back to his home to his gf and perhaps flirt with lots of women he comes across, apart from you ?
Remember a simple Rule Maria :
If a ‘relationship’ ( even if it’s in our head ) seems like tooooo much work, too much thinking, wondering, waiting without any positive re-inforcement or actions from the other side, it just means someone isn’t too interested, and it’s not worth it , and it’s not going to be !
You deserve much better than a guy who’s not forthright with anyone, and thinks ‘only’ about him !
You only need step outside your home and find that good man !
Comment from 2011 dance song
Time April 25, 2011 at 2:27 am
Yeah, he is interested but still waiting for the right time. Such a gentleman.
Comment from Selena
Time June 10, 2009 at 8:27 am
Spot on Jeff as usual.
“Going through a breakup right now” translation: Not getting along well with gf lately, not sure what will happen.
The continued flirting: Well, it’s fun. It doubtless makes his delivery day a little more interesting. And Maria, you don’t KNOW that he doesn’t flirt with other women he delivers to regularly, do you?
Bottom Line: He has a partner. He didn’t break up. He hasn’t asked you out even though you made it clear you were interested.
Result: Enjoy the flirting as a little break in your day, but don’t attach any significance to it.