Like you said some guys don’t even know they don’t want a relationship. I have seen this many times and unfortunately have fallen victim to this as well. It is natural for a person to be attracted to someone else and have sexual tension that they need released. Since it is unacceptable to just have sex with someone your body will find the solution that is acceptable for you and her; that is you think you want a relationship and most guys actually believe it. Then after the need is fulfilled they don’t lose the feelings they had towards you although that is how it seems. What happens is that your body doesn’t want what it did anymore and the rationalizations behind the “relationship” just disappear.

If he has feelings for you before he will after.

Great post.

Signed,

Ignored & Sassy in Connecticut

There are a good many players out there and there are also guys who place sex as the priority. These guys generally abhor the word “love” in the first place, because they are more wired to the physical bonding rather than the emotional part. Such guys usually hook on to girls who share their vibe for physical intimacy. There are a plenty of girls who are in for short term relationship just for the sex part of it, and these guys are quick to spot such girls. The players usually keep off a girl who they know is on the look out for “love and bonding” rather than just fun and bang-bang.

As a girl, your own intuition should be good enough to know the guy’s intentions. If you are looking to fall in love and share a fulfilling relationship with a guy, then avoid a guy should starts off the “player” alarm in you. Players never bond emotionally, they are in a relationship for the “jazzy” stuff. Which might be a good thing if you are looking for a short term, passionate hook up, but not if you want committment and long-term bonding.

However: Efficiency of “five dates” sorta depends on *who* be the Dates. Guys [and Gals] can weave. Also, “love” doesn’t necessarily include or require physical intimacy. It’s less merry, but physical intimacy doesn’t require Love!

Realism about “intimacy” is crucial on Our paths to becoming mature. Survival [of heart, mind, spirit] is critical for an evolving maturity. Bountiful discernment [Yes!.. even distrust] can be Our Darling Ally. Caution to wind can boomerang!

So: EverSweet Joie… as We Feel & Think!

I’m not really a player, though, so I don’t understand that mentality. Maybe those guys just want a another notch on the bedpost. Maybe they have alternate sex always lined up.

Me, when a relationship ends, I’m alone. I’m back to dating again when I’m ready for that. So if I meet a nice woman that I’m attracted to and we end up in bed, I want to see her again.

My intent wasn’t to suggest that I wanted a fool-proof way to avoid rejection (as lovely as that would be!). I know that rejection is a part of dating, and, of course, there’s no magic time frame that once you cross that point, you’re home-free (learned that one from a divorce after many years of marriage).

Mostly I wanted a sense of how patient most players are. I got that from Jeff and so much more. The shark analogy was really useful; I just hadn’t thought of it that way before. And the advice on assessing the man’s interest in non-sex time is fantastic. The few times I’ve rushed into sex with someone I felt a connection with, I spent hours afterwards trying to assess his feelings, whether it was just about the sex, etc. So waiting long enough to get a better read on his interest in non-sex time could spare me at least some of that angst. Seems so simple — doh! of course! But I must admit that I find dating so challenging and confusing at times that a reminder like this can be clarifying! Thank you, thank you!